"You remember, Antwan Rockamora?"

"Half black, half Samoan, used to call him Tony Rocky  Horror." - Jules

Long story short Tony Rocky Horror got pushed out of the window of a 4-story building.  For giving another man's wife a foot massage, supposedly.

Is it me or does that foot look a little on the large side?

A co-worker casually mentioned that he wouldn't want to have anyone other than his wife give him a massage.  How the conversation came up I don't recall.  But it made me think about my own situation.  I have been in the mood for a massage.  I know I can ask the mister for one but I want one from someone else.  Not anyone in specific, but the little Asian place at the mall looks to be promising.  I am in need of a good deep tissue massage and a foot massage for good measure.

Now here is my thought, would my Marcellus be upset if another man gave his wife a massage?  Or does the sex of the masseuse not matter?  Would it be okay with my Marcellus if the masseuse was a woman (with very strong hands)?  Being technically still a newlywed since we have yet to hit the 7-year itch (doubtful of this happening but marriage/divorce rates seem to prove otherwise)... I am assuming neither would be a problem.  No need for suspicions to be raised about happy endings and such.  Plus, he isn't a jealous guy over trivial things like massages.  Or are all guys territorial when it comes to things like massages.  See, here I am second guessing my assumption because I for one am not a guy.  Two, I wouldn't care if he got a massage without a happy ending of course. 

So instead of assuming and entering into a common reason for marital quarrel: non-communication; I need to ask.  And what would be the most diplomatic way of asking?

"I want a massage, but not from you.  Is that okay?"  Hmm probably not the best way to ask.  They should have offered a class in tact when I went to school, I need it.

All of the stress of moving, packing, paying deposits and switching utilities... I need a massage from a professional (or the Asians at the mall).  I am thinking maybe suggest a couples massage, we both go get our kinks worked out together.  [All you get your head out of the gutter!  I mean tension kinks not sexual kinks.  Oh for fucks sake it all sounds dirty with the word kink involved.]  Maybe I just need to douse the liver in a bottle of wine and be done with my need for a massage.  Seriously though, my neck and shoulders are so tight it's making sleep and swimming annoying.

I guess my other alternative is to see the chiropractor and make sure that I get a massage after being adjusted.  And going to get a pedicure but make sure they spend extra time on the massage part of the pedicure.  Diplomacy; not my strong suit.