21 March 2007

An old list I made for API; now new and improved!

Been a while since I made a list and API, I do it all for you. Probably won’t be as funny as the past ones but dammit I need to vent. Rhetorical questions list. And ya know I gotta answer the rhetorical questions with my snide comments, dry wit and sarcasm.

*Why do people say so many good things about me when all they want from me is to change me? Umm, I dunno maybe cause they can’t focus on changing themselves for the better so they feel they can tell me to change. People are inherently resistant to change so instead of working on personal matters and tackling change as it should be, they try to change others around them.

*Why do people feel they need to control others (me namely)? Because they do not feel they have enough control in their lives. Life is a fluid, ever changing thing. Nothing is concrete or set in stone. This scares people (see rhetorical question above) because they are afraid of change. So the control factor becomes an issue. If you have a handful of sand and you want to keep it there, you cup your hand under the sand. You may lose a few grains due to the wind or moving a bit. But if you try to control it by holding it tight, you are gonna lose the sand. The tighter the grip is the more sand you lose eventually ending with nothing but just traces and remnants of the sand you once held. (Damn if that's not a run on sentence heh.)

20 March 2007

Does anyone know about this?


I don't know if it is of any value (I should probably not keep it in the glove box). If anyone has info on this I would much appreciate it. It is a commemorative coin thing from the 2008 Olympics. It came from China so I have no idea what the certificate of authenticity says because I don't read Chinese.

19 March 2007

The mystery of the prize.


My friend Alex brought me the gift of silly. He found a temp tattoo in the PopTarts box and decided it needed to be mine. So I put it on as soon as I got home and it goes so well with my motif I think I might have to go perm with it or a variation thereof.

Edit:
It was done by Don Hertzfeldt. If you don't know who he is, here is your chance:

14 March 2007

I hope this kind of frustration is not going to be an ongoing thing.

Sometimes life likes to kick you when you are down. Not saying I am down or anything like that. I just find it amazing that people never can take credit for their own short comings. ”You are the one with the car and the education.” For fucks sake take the damn car and go to school if you are pissy about the damn car and school. I don’t care. Material possessions are easily replaced and right about now the stupid car is the last of my worries. My primary worry is school, you know since I am educated or whatever! Stupid, stupid, stupid. I am not educated and I am far from intelligent. I have the same gray squishy matter inside of my hard carrying case that sits atop my neck as everyone else. Why do I have to be the emotional punching bag when in reality you should be taking your anger out on yourself… but NOOOO! We can’t go around hurting ourselves or they send us off to the Puff. But it's perfectly okay to take out your aggressions on others because they should be empathetic and hear us out or whatever mumbo jumbo I have picked up in my psych classes. So fucking contradictory! I love it though, but I digress. That is not the point I am trying to make. All I am trying to say is stand up and take life for what it is. If you get dealt a shitty card, DEAL! It's what I try to do, I don’t take my shit out on you. I don’t go around making others feel shitty to make myself feel better. So don’t fuck with me. I am perfectly capable of kicking myself in the teeth if the need arises. I don’t need to have someone trying to push my buttons in hopes of getting a rise out of me. Eventually the button pressing will do its damage and I am not a very centered person when in a blind rage. So take the car, go to school, find a new job, get a new girlfriend, something, anything, just leave me the fuck alone!

Thank you. This concludes the test of the emergency broadcast systemmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm,

And in other news:

Deviance is a basic necessity of life, on a par with food, shelter and clothing.

Today I will smoke crack, find a hobo and strangle his poor ass and then go to Denny’s for some breakfast at midnight. In between there I will probably stick pins in my finger tips and watch myself bleed, I read somewhere that blood letting is the best remedy for anything. I think maybe razor blade my face off as it has become a nuisance and perhaps construct a torture room for potential ’guests’. But first on my agenda is to drown the neighbors cat maybe take some pliers to the claws before the drowning, I don’t want to bleed. Unless of course I cause myself to bleed, then its quite alright. Oh and I wanna take a trip to my mom’s house and have her whip out THE belt. I am in need of a good angry spanking. And by spanking I mean like belt style not the pansy ass slap. So now that my agenda is out there for all to see anyone wanna join me? Or at least help me out with the spank since I really don’t care to see my mother. I know there are deviants out there somewhere dying to get their aggressions out. God people are so gullible believing everything they hear thinking they KNOW ALL. Alright I’m out!

P.S. The safety word is chupacabra.

I am loved at work, dawww!

Apparently I been eye spied cooking the Dinks in the work toaster oven. And since I kick all sorts of ass at work, I had a gift at my desk this morning. Totally made my day! I had just had a hissy fit at Michael’s the other day because they stopped carrying the Dinks. Tah Dah! Ask and ye shall recieve. I wish for a million dollars. I wish for a million dollars. I wish for a million dollars.

13 March 2007

I am laughing at myself.

Why?
Because I am a bitter asshole sometimes. That's why.
Really, why do I sit around and write the retarded shit I do? It comes off as quite hurtful but I guess we all need an outlet?

I decided that even though UPS was not the best company to work for it afforded me many friendships. My new job is filled with a bunch of baby makers and old farts. So I have yet to be invited to any functions as I am not stupid enough to squeeze out any puppies and I do not fit in with the saggies. I honestly have nothing in common with the people I work with for the most part. Now I turn to the lovely remark that all give when changing jobs, “I will keep in touch. Don’t worry.” Well, its a lie. For the most part, people don’t keep in touch and if they do it is only for a short period of time. Unless they are super good friends of yours that you hang out with all the time. So, this leaves a few options for making friends outside of the work environment:
1. Become a lame net geek and chat with ’internet’ friends.
2. Hit the club scene.
3. Take a class. Anything that doesn’t involve too much thinking is best. If it's fun, all the better!
4. Network within your already existing friends. I know you have friends but your friends have other friends too. You can meet them, sometimes you may already know them from some other place and/or time.
5. If all else fails kill yourself. Or if you are too pussy to do that you can be a bitter hag.
Luckily I have good friends so I won’t have to resort to any of the above behaviors. However, 2 and 3 can be pretty damn fun without trying to meet new people. But the majority of people who lack social skills or are control freaks usually opt for 1 and 5. Number 4 is a bit touchy. Meet new people but don’t get all Single White Female and try to take over on your friends’ friends or boyfriends, clothes, looks, fashion… well you get the picture.

Yeah so what, I am just being a grumpy because after UPS I was a loner. With the exception of very few people. Life goes on.

11 March 2007

Grossness


My gross knee scab was super leaky. It ended up soaking through band-aid and my pants. Then both the band-aid and pants were stuck to my knee. Nasty! I need to invent a non-stick bandage because the one I used lied!!!

07 March 2007

I need to sleep.

This guys draws as awesome as I do. Why on Earth am I listening to Bright Eyes?!


I still need to get some shut eye!

06 March 2007

The 7 Wonders of the Mall

1. There is wireless internet access. Yes, it is true, over by Hot Dog on a Stick you can get wireless access. I took my laptop to work to watch a movie cause it's boring by myself. Lo and behold, there is internet!

2. Retardeds, the mall is crawling with them. Not too far behind are usually their babysitters. Honestly speaking we could have a little “Pumpkin” type action going on. The hot popular girl that hangs at the mall falling for the local mongoloid. I am sure there are far better activities their babysitters can take them to do than roam the mall. By now they probably know every crack in the place because it seems that is the ONLY place the babysitters take them. What about the park? The library?

3. Retardeds in love. You know the world will be a better place when the retardeds hook up and make more retardeds. Of course the babysitters are still in tow. I am not saying this to keep them from finding meaningful relationships in life. But often times the reason they are retarded is genetic. I already have a bazillion of my tax dollars paying for them. And now even more because they decided to procreate and make another one. This is bad on so many levels! Aside from the chances 'the child' comes out deficient in any way, who will help take care of these babies when the adults themselves need babysitters?!

05 March 2007

Speaking words of wisdom....

So I found some old blogs that I would rather have here since it's not all crazy lame-ish like LJ and the 'space'. Eventually this too will become boring, maybe. This one was like from 3 years ago but it still makes sense and applies today. And amazingly enough the person I aimed it at is still trying to old on tight to a hand full of sand.

These words of wisdom are for those sad lonely women out there: Psycho, paranoid women that try to rush relationships will never be able to have a long term relationship. Grow up, stop trying to control people or blame them for your hangups. That’s for all those crazies that need medication and counseling that will read this and think, “I know that bitch is talking about me.” Well you are probably right! Get some meds and a psychiatrist. Maybe YOU really are the reason you are unhappy in relationships.

That was something I wrote after talking to this girl that I had not spoken to in years. She was my best friend, then mortal enemy. A few years later we started talking again. Then for some reason she got scared of me. I dunno why, I think she was a poop head and thought I would kill her for going all SWF on me. And yes, she porked my partner at the time too, lucky for him I don’t wear spiked heels (kinda makes me wish I had though, that fucker!).

02 March 2007

I don't know what I am thinking sometimes.

I was looking for a picture of me with a plastic bag on my head and I found this instead:

I really don't know what I was doing or why but I am a loon! No way around it. I did this at work even! I really don't know what comes over me sometimes at work, but obviously I have an accomplice who is willing to photograph the insanity. This was totally 3 months apart too! You can see the cut out of the warning from the plastic bag stuck to my monitor (pic above between my box head and can of air). Yes, I kept it.