12 December 2007

New and Improved SusieTron 5000

You tall people ain't got shit on the new SusieTron 5000. For you see she may be built smaller but if she throws a punch it will likely land in yo' crotch! Peeeyyaawww! **Susie, new and improved with karate chop action, crotch punch and a cigarette accessory that magically stays attached through all action packed battles!** Get yours now before we run out! Here are some testimonials from some of our loyal customers (some names have been changed to protect the innocent):

Joe: "The new and improved SusieTron 5000 is amazing. My iron underwear endured the karate chop and crotch punch. But her built in AI was able to have her still whoop my ass by climbing my tallness and almost ripping my head off. I recommend SusieTron 5000 to all my friends, the investment was definitely worth it."

Hunter: "I am 100% satisfied with the crotch punch action that the new SusieTron 5000 is equipped with. With in five seconds of activating the SusieTron 'wrath' mode I was on the ground, balls in tremendous pain, being tackled by a tiny saucy spic. Everyone should try out the new SusieTron 5000, her cigarette really stays in her hand AND lit!!!"
Hurry for a limited time only, the New and Improved SusieTron5000 is available for five small payments of freeninety-nine. All you need to do is pay the shipping and handling and you can have your very own SusieTron5000 in a matter of days. ***No assembly required.***

28 October 2007

mc chris show


So after a mad, fast drive from Pomona to SLO… I made it!!! About 10 or 15 minutes late, but I had to go. So we got to watch mc get the crowd, of mostly very unhealthy couchlings, work up a sweat. I do have to say that it had them pumped more than ‘Sweatin’ to the Oldies’ ever would. I wouldn’t say it was a work out though…. But it was good fun and it was awesome to see mc again. Like the birdcore shirt? Well its my peepee jammas not a shirt. I asked Taylor if they still had the freebie T’s for message board members. He said yes, but only in 2x…. I am more of a triple x fan myself but I took the 2x and will use it as a peepee jamma. I wore it at the show over like 3 or 4 layers of shirts…. no I wasn’t nearly as hot as some people there.


Garrett had their first mc show, got his ticket autographed and got to take the famous flip-off pic with mc. Really if it wasn’t for me being there… it almost looks like these pictured had us Photoshopped in. I suppose mc has been working on his ‘grrr’ face for a while… very proficient.


I have no idea what happened to the missing picture of Aaron; we got him with mc too. Here is the lovely Kate with mc. Notice how she is making herself shorty when standing next to him. And where the hell was Mike???
But if you look at the pic Adrian posted, you can see the arm around the shoulder going on. *I think the roadie wanted some of Adrian* His arm is up and coming around and he is looking longingly at Adrian. Oh no!!!!! Aahahahhahahaa.

17 October 2007

Pyramid Brewery and Restaurant


Round 1
This round consisted of: Mactarnahan’s Black Watch Cream Porter, Apricontweizen, Oregon Honey Beer, Thunderhead IPA and Snow Cap.

They were all quite tasty… I would say the two dark and the Apri were my fave of this group.


Round 2
By the time I got this round I totally forgot to pay attention to what I had and what I had not had. So you guys get to figure out what I did drink. There were ten possible drinks I could have and I had one of each kind. I listed the ones I did pay attention to above. So, that would leave 5 remaining that I did not list. If you find the answer you get a prize… oooOOOoOOOOOoooo the mystery of the prize!

15 October 2007

It's a piggy!


I got my very own pink piggy hooray. I have it at work now and I stare at its curly tail all day long.

07 October 2007

I need to take my own advice.

Tired of people assuming you will jump on their band wagon?  
Tired of friends expecting you to take sides on matters that do not pertain to you?  
GOOD!

Now, let’s all put a stop to this.  The world is not about taking sides.  Life is not about warring with people because others want you to.  Life is about living.  Loving without holding back.  Unless you fuckers can say you are perfect… we are all going to do and say things that will piss people off.  It happens.  Let it roll off your back, move on and don’t dwell.  That’s not what life is about.
Never forget, but forgive because life is too short to let rage, jealousy, and sadness take over.  Take everyday a step at a time.  And dammit, I know the way I am, what I do, who I talk to tends to piss people off.  But I don’t know a single of my friends that would not say that I am a good friend.  Not just to select people, I am good to everyone that I can be good to.  It’s hard work, I know it is ten times easier to stay upset, to not be good…. but its much more rewarding to be good.
Leave the drama at the door.  Or you can stay outside with your drama if you are not prepared to handle life maturely and with a smile.  Stop blaming others, blame yourself for not being able to move on.  You are the maker of your own misery or happiness.  What do you want to be?  Miserable?  Or happy?
Those who do not have full control over their own lives, actions, emotions take it out on others by trying to be controlling.  Stop it!  And start trying to put some control to your life.  No one can fix your life for you, no one can make you be happy… you have to do it all for yourself.
So sayeth the gangsta spectre of defeat!
Don’t expect me to be you or be like you because I was born me.  (Yes yes I know I am not perfect and should take my own advice.  Just sometimes I feel like I have the brain worms.)

10 September 2007

I am selfish.


So in trying to get inspiration to write about my selfishness I found an awesome picture. So I am sharing it with whoever, if anyone, reads this. This picture lead me to a well written page with the topic of selfishness. So instead of writing about it I will just share the link. I don't think I could have written it any better. Or could I? The selfish link you should click to read more... do it!

21 March 2007

An old list I made for API; now new and improved!

Been a while since I made a list and API, I do it all for you. Probably won’t be as funny as the past ones but dammit I need to vent. Rhetorical questions list. And ya know I gotta answer the rhetorical questions with my snide comments, dry wit and sarcasm.

*Why do people say so many good things about me when all they want from me is to change me? Umm, I dunno maybe cause they can’t focus on changing themselves for the better so they feel they can tell me to change. People are inherently resistant to change so instead of working on personal matters and tackling change as it should be, they try to change others around them.

*Why do people feel they need to control others (me namely)? Because they do not feel they have enough control in their lives. Life is a fluid, ever changing thing. Nothing is concrete or set in stone. This scares people (see rhetorical question above) because they are afraid of change. So the control factor becomes an issue. If you have a handful of sand and you want to keep it there, you cup your hand under the sand. You may lose a few grains due to the wind or moving a bit. But if you try to control it by holding it tight, you are gonna lose the sand. The tighter the grip is the more sand you lose eventually ending with nothing but just traces and remnants of the sand you once held. (Damn if that's not a run on sentence heh.)

20 March 2007

Does anyone know about this?


I don't know if it is of any value (I should probably not keep it in the glove box). If anyone has info on this I would much appreciate it. It is a commemorative coin thing from the 2008 Olympics. It came from China so I have no idea what the certificate of authenticity says because I don't read Chinese.

19 March 2007

The mystery of the prize.


My friend Alex brought me the gift of silly. He found a temp tattoo in the PopTarts box and decided it needed to be mine. So I put it on as soon as I got home and it goes so well with my motif I think I might have to go perm with it or a variation thereof.

Edit:
It was done by Don Hertzfeldt. If you don't know who he is, here is your chance:

14 March 2007

I hope this kind of frustration is not going to be an ongoing thing.

Sometimes life likes to kick you when you are down. Not saying I am down or anything like that. I just find it amazing that people never can take credit for their own short comings. ”You are the one with the car and the education.” For fucks sake take the damn car and go to school if you are pissy about the damn car and school. I don’t care. Material possessions are easily replaced and right about now the stupid car is the last of my worries. My primary worry is school, you know since I am educated or whatever! Stupid, stupid, stupid. I am not educated and I am far from intelligent. I have the same gray squishy matter inside of my hard carrying case that sits atop my neck as everyone else. Why do I have to be the emotional punching bag when in reality you should be taking your anger out on yourself… but NOOOO! We can’t go around hurting ourselves or they send us off to the Puff. But it's perfectly okay to take out your aggressions on others because they should be empathetic and hear us out or whatever mumbo jumbo I have picked up in my psych classes. So fucking contradictory! I love it though, but I digress. That is not the point I am trying to make. All I am trying to say is stand up and take life for what it is. If you get dealt a shitty card, DEAL! It's what I try to do, I don’t take my shit out on you. I don’t go around making others feel shitty to make myself feel better. So don’t fuck with me. I am perfectly capable of kicking myself in the teeth if the need arises. I don’t need to have someone trying to push my buttons in hopes of getting a rise out of me. Eventually the button pressing will do its damage and I am not a very centered person when in a blind rage. So take the car, go to school, find a new job, get a new girlfriend, something, anything, just leave me the fuck alone!

Thank you. This concludes the test of the emergency broadcast systemmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm,

And in other news:

Deviance is a basic necessity of life, on a par with food, shelter and clothing.

Today I will smoke crack, find a hobo and strangle his poor ass and then go to Denny’s for some breakfast at midnight. In between there I will probably stick pins in my finger tips and watch myself bleed, I read somewhere that blood letting is the best remedy for anything. I think maybe razor blade my face off as it has become a nuisance and perhaps construct a torture room for potential ’guests’. But first on my agenda is to drown the neighbors cat maybe take some pliers to the claws before the drowning, I don’t want to bleed. Unless of course I cause myself to bleed, then its quite alright. Oh and I wanna take a trip to my mom’s house and have her whip out THE belt. I am in need of a good angry spanking. And by spanking I mean like belt style not the pansy ass slap. So now that my agenda is out there for all to see anyone wanna join me? Or at least help me out with the spank since I really don’t care to see my mother. I know there are deviants out there somewhere dying to get their aggressions out. God people are so gullible believing everything they hear thinking they KNOW ALL. Alright I’m out!

P.S. The safety word is chupacabra.

I am loved at work, dawww!

Apparently I been eye spied cooking the Dinks in the work toaster oven. And since I kick all sorts of ass at work, I had a gift at my desk this morning. Totally made my day! I had just had a hissy fit at Michael’s the other day because they stopped carrying the Dinks. Tah Dah! Ask and ye shall recieve. I wish for a million dollars. I wish for a million dollars. I wish for a million dollars.

13 March 2007

I am laughing at myself.

Why?
Because I am a bitter asshole sometimes. That's why.
Really, why do I sit around and write the retarded shit I do? It comes off as quite hurtful but I guess we all need an outlet?

I decided that even though UPS was not the best company to work for it afforded me many friendships. My new job is filled with a bunch of baby makers and old farts. So I have yet to be invited to any functions as I am not stupid enough to squeeze out any puppies and I do not fit in with the saggies. I honestly have nothing in common with the people I work with for the most part. Now I turn to the lovely remark that all give when changing jobs, “I will keep in touch. Don’t worry.” Well, its a lie. For the most part, people don’t keep in touch and if they do it is only for a short period of time. Unless they are super good friends of yours that you hang out with all the time. So, this leaves a few options for making friends outside of the work environment:
1. Become a lame net geek and chat with ’internet’ friends.
2. Hit the club scene.
3. Take a class. Anything that doesn’t involve too much thinking is best. If it's fun, all the better!
4. Network within your already existing friends. I know you have friends but your friends have other friends too. You can meet them, sometimes you may already know them from some other place and/or time.
5. If all else fails kill yourself. Or if you are too pussy to do that you can be a bitter hag.
Luckily I have good friends so I won’t have to resort to any of the above behaviors. However, 2 and 3 can be pretty damn fun without trying to meet new people. But the majority of people who lack social skills or are control freaks usually opt for 1 and 5. Number 4 is a bit touchy. Meet new people but don’t get all Single White Female and try to take over on your friends’ friends or boyfriends, clothes, looks, fashion… well you get the picture.

Yeah so what, I am just being a grumpy because after UPS I was a loner. With the exception of very few people. Life goes on.

11 March 2007

Grossness


My gross knee scab was super leaky. It ended up soaking through band-aid and my pants. Then both the band-aid and pants were stuck to my knee. Nasty! I need to invent a non-stick bandage because the one I used lied!!!

07 March 2007

I need to sleep.

This guys draws as awesome as I do. Why on Earth am I listening to Bright Eyes?!


I still need to get some shut eye!

06 March 2007

The 7 Wonders of the Mall

1. There is wireless internet access. Yes, it is true, over by Hot Dog on a Stick you can get wireless access. I took my laptop to work to watch a movie cause it's boring by myself. Lo and behold, there is internet!

2. Retardeds, the mall is crawling with them. Not too far behind are usually their babysitters. Honestly speaking we could have a little “Pumpkin” type action going on. The hot popular girl that hangs at the mall falling for the local mongoloid. I am sure there are far better activities their babysitters can take them to do than roam the mall. By now they probably know every crack in the place because it seems that is the ONLY place the babysitters take them. What about the park? The library?

3. Retardeds in love. You know the world will be a better place when the retardeds hook up and make more retardeds. Of course the babysitters are still in tow. I am not saying this to keep them from finding meaningful relationships in life. But often times the reason they are retarded is genetic. I already have a bazillion of my tax dollars paying for them. And now even more because they decided to procreate and make another one. This is bad on so many levels! Aside from the chances 'the child' comes out deficient in any way, who will help take care of these babies when the adults themselves need babysitters?!

05 March 2007

Speaking words of wisdom....

So I found some old blogs that I would rather have here since it's not all crazy lame-ish like LJ and the 'space'. Eventually this too will become boring, maybe. This one was like from 3 years ago but it still makes sense and applies today. And amazingly enough the person I aimed it at is still trying to old on tight to a hand full of sand.

These words of wisdom are for those sad lonely women out there: Psycho, paranoid women that try to rush relationships will never be able to have a long term relationship. Grow up, stop trying to control people or blame them for your hangups. That’s for all those crazies that need medication and counseling that will read this and think, “I know that bitch is talking about me.” Well you are probably right! Get some meds and a psychiatrist. Maybe YOU really are the reason you are unhappy in relationships.

That was something I wrote after talking to this girl that I had not spoken to in years. She was my best friend, then mortal enemy. A few years later we started talking again. Then for some reason she got scared of me. I dunno why, I think she was a poop head and thought I would kill her for going all SWF on me. And yes, she porked my partner at the time too, lucky for him I don’t wear spiked heels (kinda makes me wish I had though, that fucker!).

02 March 2007

I don't know what I am thinking sometimes.

I was looking for a picture of me with a plastic bag on my head and I found this instead:

I really don't know what I was doing or why but I am a loon! No way around it. I did this at work even! I really don't know what comes over me sometimes at work, but obviously I have an accomplice who is willing to photograph the insanity. This was totally 3 months apart too! You can see the cut out of the warning from the plastic bag stuck to my monitor (pic above between my box head and can of air). Yes, I kept it.

28 February 2007

Chili Cheese Fries Burrito

I love burritos! And I also love chili cheese fries. So this must be good, right?

Someone should have this and tell me their thoughts.

EDIT: It's gross. I blame the crappy tasting faux flour tortillas. The fries were a little dryish and crumbly too. I do NOT recommend this.

23 February 2007

I made you a pretty picture API


How much do you love me?
Okay forget that question.
How much do you love my stick figures?

22 February 2007

Lookie what I found!!!


This is the biggest cup o noodle on earth. This can’t be healthy for anyone. Sodium bomb!

Oh wow!


I think the computer is trying to tell me something. Something.....

It came from China


It says:

White Rabbit Creamy Candy
Shanghai Guan Sheng Yuan Food LTD.
Shanghai Guan SHeng Yuan
Food General Factory
220 CaoBao Road, Shanghai, China

I assume that the Chinese stuffs says the same on it. It tasted nasty. I can still taste it, it still tastes nasty. I thought it would taste like a Vanilla Tootsie Roll. Boy was I wrong!

19 February 2007

Why do I do this?


Can someone remind grandma that she is old and needs to stop? Stupidness! One of these days I really will get hurt. My elbow is all messed up too.

Oh! I got new shoes too. Osiris freebies again. I should write them a thank you note.

17 February 2007

At first it was just a funny picture... but there's more to the story!


Did you know assumption can make an ass outta you an’ me? Yes, I did. I got this via email and I thought it was just a funny picture. Well aside from it being totally cute and making me want to rub wieners hehehehe; it’s something highly inappropriate (not to me though). Yeah, so here is hint# 3721 on how to get your co-workers in trouble:

Take a highly offensive (or slightly if your job is super snooty) picture and strategically place it in someones cube. *Behind the keyboard tray as illustrated works well.* Then wait for so-and-so to take a day off or call out sick. While attending to the absentee’s duties, suddenly “find” said offensive picture. Then proceed to tell everyone in the vicinity how offensive it is and then have a supervisor see it. Complain about how offended you are to any one who will listen. Then when the absentee gets back to work they get in trouble!

Now as a disclaimer. It’s not nice to do what is listed above because its rude. Also if you have a union job and the absentee says it is not theirs. And the absentee decides to bring union attention to the issue at hand BEWARE. Your plan may backfire. Stay tuned for the conclusion of the “As The High School Turns” saga. Absentee FTW!

Really it's amazing what people do in an attempt to get someone in trouble. Really it's more work than it's worth.

EDIT: In conclusion, the absentee did not get in trouble. The person that complained was asked what he/she was doing searching under the desk BEHIND the keyboard tray to begin with. Moral of the story: Don't fuck with people! It will come back to bite you in the ass.

15 February 2007

Candy from afar.

So this is the latest and greatest in foreign food stuffs. So from the looks of the box, I assumed… there I go assuming again, that inside this tiny box would be chocolate covered coffee beans. But NOOOOO! Wait! It gets better! Inside the chocolate that has somewhat of a coffee bean shape (it has the little coffee bean crease) is more chocolate. But it’s coffee flavored. So here is what the candy and it's box look like. But the coolness doesn’t end here.So the back of the candy box has little mice with cowboy hats in a desert with cacti AND a camel! And it appears to be a playing card. Like if you have a bunch of these candies you could eventually have your very own strange deck of cardboard cards? Yeah strange and I love it… here is the part that prompted the photos to be taken. The flap that is generally used to keep candy boxes or whatever closed has a green, twacked out, coffee bean eating mouse!!!So here is the second box of candies I ate, not too exciting. But I had to share. These are like gener-O M&M’s. Candy coated, chocolate but without the screened M&M’s on em. Notice the back of the box is meant to be used in a deck of cardboard cards… ooOOOohh laalaaa! The flap on this box has a little dude on it too. Really the second box was not worth sharing as much as the first one. Oh and no barcode!!! So I couldn’t look up the information in the UPC database look-up thing. Weak!

13 February 2007

My food is cuter than yours!



Thank you Niki-LooLoo…. you are the best! And one of these days I will have someone make your food just as cute as you did for me. How on Earth would I live if my food wasn’t cute, bizarre or super duper tasty??? Only the shadow knows!

08 February 2007

They may look cute but they poop a lot!



So they look cute and all but seriously these things caused much of my clothes to go to trash land… far, far, away. Yeah they decided to poop and pee on some of my clothes and it got tossed. Sucks! Any one need snack size faux chicken thingys??? So if you have any throw aways… as in clothes not more animals. Let me know. Stupid animals and their shitting asses!!!

07 February 2007

Leave it to the smartest man alive to give me the insight I already had.

So, lately I've been complaining about how much I hate my brain. Then I had to laugh when I went to my iGoogle page because of Homer J Simpson's quote:

“Okay, brain. You don’t like me, and I don’t like you, but let’s get through this thing and then I can continue killing you with beer.”

Oh if it was only that easy! I keep trying and trying; really I end up running out of beer first. Maybe I need to move on to bigger, better things and smoke myself stupid.

Or maybe people should stop acting like bitches and driving me to drink myself into oblivion!

"Dance with us Gir! Dance with us into oblivion."

06 February 2007

My exchange student gave me this.



The only English word on this whole package is ‘open’ (and a web address http://www.weichuan.com.tw/). It’s like a cup o’ noodles for kids. It's like ramen noodles with dehydrated veggies and little, tofu chunks (at least that's what I think they are) shaped like piggies. In an effort to find out what it is I went to the UPC Lookup website, here are the results: http://www.upcdatabase.com/itemnotfound.asp?upc=4710063194726

I have decided it came from aliens. Aliens that have little robots dressed as dogs that are in love with piggies. That has to be it! I mean come on where did it come from and where do I get more? No, I won’t eat it, I’ve had it sitting at my desk a long time and I dunno what exactly it is. So no, not until I find a new one and maybe find out whats in it. I think lots of sodium.

P.S. My exchange student was only with me for a week and I didn't get around to asking her more about this Q-cup. It was one of her gifts she left with me, honestly one week is not enough time.

05 February 2007

It never stops!



You know when your brain stops to think and then forgets to start again. Well my problem is the opposite of that. My brain doesn’t stop and it’s unhealthy. Today, well since yesterday; maybe even a few weeks ago. I think something is broken, in my brain. And there are things in my life that should make me happy, ecstatic even but I over think things. Ignorance is bliss, ten bucks says it was a wise man that said that. Only due to dissatisfaction at over-thinking things. Lately I have been questioning some choices, some decisions that I don’t think others would question.

Really, how does one with such inner strength crumble at the thought of being inadequate for another human? The thought that people seemed to have been happy and okay before. And they may appear happy still, even more so but surrounding individuals miss their friends behavior from the before time. The ‘before Susie’ time. And this happens with more people than I care to mention. If I got a dollar for every time I hear: ‘I am a different person now that I have met you.’ or ‘I remember so and so before they met you, they are different now.’ Whether it is meant as a good thing or bad thing, it still stings. I don’t want to have feelings of resentment projected towards me because people choose to change due to my influence in their lives. I want to crawl into a hole and disappear. I think if I was male the situation would be completely different. Or if I was dumb, it would be soo soo much easier. Man I wish I was a dumb guy. Those are what the world is made of, it is what makes the machine work. I am a just a gear with broken cogs, the wrench thrown into the works; the square peg trying to fit the round hole. Dammit. No no, I take it back, I can stay a girl. No wait never mind. It’s easier to sell stuff on EBay when you are male. For some reason men have a hard time buying things from women. I mean come the fuck on, I'm not even a crazy psycho bitch. If I was I could understand life a bit better. Oooh what an idea. Be a bitch, people treat me like poop anyways so then there is a good reason for it. I am just confused, lost, sad and irritated.

I want to just detach myself from all of the relationships I have attained through the years and become a recluse. It might be tricky cause I am a chatty Cathy, social butterfly type. But I am sure I can find enough things to amuse myself solo style. I am easily hurt by people taking my good intentions and happiness and making a mockery of it. Damn people! Frustrations are not good. And neither are hot dogs, broccoli and Guinness for dinner. It is not a proper meal according the the food pyramid.

This happens all too often.


Maybe I should wear knee pads? It wouldn't be so bad if my wounds didn't ooze and stick to my pants.