30 December 2009
The Bear looking all crazy Cujo style playing with Rocky. I wish I looked that vicious when I played. Instead I just look like a lop. Hooray for me!
21 December 2009
I call BULLSHIT!
I am tired of watching people go in search of their perfect partner, their soul mate. It's sad watching all these people out there in search of something that does NOT exist. There is no such thing as a perfect partner because no one is perfect. It's this mind set and thinking that prompts people that are in current relationships to second guess themselves. It's this idealized phony concept of soul mate that drags down so many relationships.
People get to thinking how they could have someone better looking, smarter or be happier... and the whole time ignore what they have right in front of them. No one is willing to commit to their current relationship because we are in search of "perfect" or the next best thing. People with one foot out the door ready to run at the slightest notion of something better out there. So why is it that hordes of people continue to chase this retarded pipe dream called "soul mate"? I have no clue. Idiots!
That brings me to those people that refuse to let go of their current relationship, you know, just in case what they got going on the side falls through. It infuriates me to see people stay in a relationship of convenience while they are busy shopping for the next moron. It's common knowledge that after the 'honeymoon' phase the novelty of the relationship fades. Little things that were endearing, cute or funny are now becoming stale, annoying and angering. So then the mind set changes; people either end the relationship or start carrying on a little something on the side.
I want to know if people have such a piss poor time in their relationships, why do they continue on? Why do people break up/make up all the time? Glutton for punishment? Lack of follow through? Fear of not being in a relationship? I honestly don't know. When I have been unhappy in a relationship, I voice my unhappiness. I try to work on the things that could use improvement and hope things work for the best. If things continue to go sour, then it's time to call it quits, pack the bags and be done. There are no take backs or do overs in my book, that's childish and pathetic. It reminds me of high school relationships where people would break up one day but then the next day everything is okay. I don't take kindly to the yo-yo game.
I dunno I am just sick and tired of seeing people search so hard for a "perfect match" that they make themselves perfectly unhappy. Or people trying to undo and bring back something that was ruined, a failed relationship. I don't believe in soul mates or destiny or any of that crap. It's all fucking crap, just like there is no "perfect" person out there for anyone. But if anyone wants to read about soul mates (karmically speaking soul mates can mean more than just one person and as more than just lovers) here ya go:
20 December 2009
Waiting for the show... after two bottles of wine between my sisters and I.
And a group shot of all three of us together. I really need to go watch a play again with them. :D
19 December 2009
So Lauren came to visit back in May. I had her take one of my Hello Kitty t-shirts and she totally tie dyed it for me :D This is the second Hello Kitty shirt she has dyed for me, she has a talent for this type of stuff. So here it is and the awesome card she sent with it too. Hooray for awesome hand made giftys of doom!
Thanks LoJo I love you!
15 December 2009
01 December 2009
27 November 2009
The bracelet I have to wear to ground (see the alligator clip) myself or shocking things happen. I need a new one the elastic on this one is pretty much done for. Anyone got any extras lyin’ ‘round? Hook a brotha up! Sorry for the shitty pic quality… cell phones make everything look like BigFoot, blurry!
07 November 2009
02 November 2009
Seriously people, are we really so bored? Do we really have to eye spy on others? Or do we really have to sit and scrutinize the lives of others? Pass judgment? Make up stories? Really now, I know we live in a relatively small town. I know boredom leads many people in this town to using drugs, drinking and for those too sanctimonious to do either of those (or those that like to do all of the above), partake in the dreaded rumor mill. Get a hobby.... the above listed things will get you in trouble.
15 October 2009
12 October 2009
My writings have angered the great gods of talkity talk. Apparently I can't write anything without EVERYONE thinking I am targeting them personally.
What shall I do about this? Stop writing? Noooo NEVAR! Keep writing? Even at the risk of angering Holycat? Even if it means people will hates me because they think I am targeting them directly? Even when at times my writings are just year old musings that fart out of my hands? ABSOFUCKINGLOUTELY!!!
I have a mouth and it speaks. I have hands and they write. It would be almost like me having legs but not walking. Why?! Why cut myself off short on account of generic ramblings? Probably cause I am nice and I don't want anyone to suffer on account of my musings. I am seriously considering either relocating this bloggyblog. Or starting an anonymous one for the safety of the children. But sometimes I share here specifically for the enjoyment of people that I know. Even the strange lurkers that don't know me. Stupid Holycat trying to smite me for what I feel... for having a voice that happens to come out of my fingers. Honestly writing may just be a more dangerous outlet than other hobbies of mine. Little kitty, you come round these parts again and I will be making street vendor tacos out of yous!!!
02 October 2009
Much to my excitement, my urge to write has returned! Hooray for my muse biting my butt. Writing is a good outlet for me; it affords me time to vent, think and imagine. So when I am in a slump and I can't write, I feel like an ugly duckling. But when the juices start flowing I feel like I am a beautiful swan. Whatever the reason for my creative juices to be working their magic, I hope it sticks around. I always wondered what causes the fluctuation between creativity and a block (writers block for me). I didn't invest too much thought into it, it was just curiosity.
30 September 2009
Once upon a time when I first started making changes in Active Directory and remotely connecting to servers here at work, I used to get nightmares. They were kinda lame funny ones but still, I was nervous about making mistakes. So basically I started maintaining all network accounts: deleting, creating, modifying. I was really nervous about making changes that would affect someones ability to connect up to our domain correctly. With the task of managing network accounts I would have to remotely log onto servers that are not located at the district office to move peoples personal files. So I had to be very careful and LOG OFF of the server I connect to instead of shut it down. Basically, "Never, ever, ever shut down the servers." --- Yes that is exactly how I was told, using a very serious tone.
I don't know if this applies to everyone or just nervous ninny's like me but with added responsibilities and an increase in work load I started having dreams about work. One of my recurring dreams involves me accidentally shutting down a server I was remotely connected to. Shortly thereafter, the sys admin shows up to pretty much chew my head off. Then after I get yelled at for messing things up, he chops my pinky fingers off! Yikes! I had this dream for a while and then one day I came into work and told the sys admin I was having dreams of him chopping my fingers off. He laughed and that's about when I realized that my fear was more comical than anything to be concerned with. I mean really in retrospect if I shut down a server accidentally, it would just mean an interruption in service that was not planned. No biggie really.
So that happened years ago, now at work I am the one that makes ALL the changes in AD because, well it became one of my duties. Last week our network administrator sent out an email asking all the network techs not to make changes in active directory. That all changes should go through me because after the change in AD occurs I usually have to move their group and home folders. In addition to that I also have to make sure that I update our master list and make sure all the changes reflect correctly in Exchange. So in a response to that email, I followed it up saying if they make any changes I will remove their pinky's and replace them with twigs. So the IT director who was CC'ed on this email asked me what's up with the pinkys and twigs, so I explained my silly dream that I used to have. This is the picture he sent out to the whole group asking if this is what I meant by replacing pinkys with twigs. It's good to know the group I work with has a sense of humor.
29 September 2009
Most people have that one person that they turn to when they need help, advice or just a non-judgmental listening ear (usually a parent or other such mentor). My grandma always had the right thing to say, she always knew when I was in need of help. I don't have her anymore and the older I get the more I miss her. The more I have been hoping to find someone with her knowledge, care and support that I can turn to for guidance.
28 September 2009
I pretty much forgot about them until I moved back to the west side! Not only is the paletero alive and well but so is the elotero! I also found out there are several carniceria's which sell the corn on a stick. Check out the picture below, it's the corn on a stick my little sister and I shared from a carniceria.
- Steam some corn, white corn is the best for this. But again that is personal preference.
- Smother the corn with mayo (you can use cream but I like mayo).
- Roll the corn around in some hard grated cheese. Parmesan works well because it's easy to obtain where I live but queso fresco is the traditional way. (You can also sprinkle the cheese on if you prefer it to rolling the corn in the cheese.)
- Optional! Chile powder, paprika works well in a pinch but any type of fine chile powder works well.
- Optional! Why stop at mayo and cheese? Pack on a few more calories with squeezy butter drizzled on the corn.
What was that you said? You are having a bbq? You are going to be grilling your corn, you say? Okay, well you can have it the buttery way, the way listed above OR try this:
- Cut a few lemons into wedges.
- Take your grilled corn and rub the lemon on the corn.
- Sprinkle with some chile powder.
27 September 2009
These days I end up finding more and more things I can't do. Yesterday I went on a store run for food... and my friend says, "Hey can you pick up some beer?" "Sure, no problem." As I walk off a third friend says, "Wait, I thought you didn't have an ID?" Oh yeah! I forgot, AGAIN!!! So needless to say my friend who wanted the beer came to the store with me. I felt so useless, I can't even run an errand for a friend because I have no ID. So stupid!
So this morning I hear that the November Playboy has Marge Simpson on the cover! I want it, I mean seriously I need it. And as I sit back thinking yea, I am gonna get one. And as I sat here thinking where I would go get one I realized, I can't! I can't get cigs, lighters, matches, beer, liquor, get porno OR drive even. So now I gotta ask someone to buy my porn for me. I mean really?! I have to ask everyone and their mother to help me out cause I got myself in trouble. I am starting to think that maybe a temp ID is in order. I just don't wanna dish out the cash for it. I will have to dish out cash for a restricted soon enough.
So if anyone has a subscription and doesn't want to keep their mag, toss it my way. Otherwise I am gonna have to ask someone to do the deed for me. Stupid stupid stupid loss of license. Now that I think of it I can't even go into the strip joint anymore. Ugh no ID shit is stupid. I wish I could look 50 already!
26 September 2009
Soooo... when you get a DUI, they take your license away. At first I really didn't care.... but now I am starting to care.
1. I can't drive... ANY vehicle until after I apply for a restricted license. In order for that to happen I have to get an SR-22, sign up for my DUI classes and then wait for DMV to approve my restricted license. IF they say yes, I gotta dish out 125 buckaroos (on top of the cash already spent on the SR-22 and DUI class). Lame!
2. I can't buy my own cigarettes!!!!!!! I have to resort to asking people to buy my smokes as if I was in high school. So fucking retarded. Oh and get this, you need an ID to buy lighters. Soooooo I, just today, had to resort to using my GTA IV matches that I have never used. I will never get these matches back when they are all used up. **Sobbing** I got them at the fucking ChaCha on my special little buddy trip like 3 years ago!!!!
3. I can't buy my own booze at a store... at all. I swear it's like they suddenly forgot I used to buy alcohol AND was old enough to buy it. So I either have one of two choices, I ask someone to buy my booze again (high school high school high school). Or I have the option of going into the many watering holes that I have frequented in town over the years for an over priced beverage. I mean depending on the beverage the price is worth it. But seriously if I want to have a beer with my burger, I would have to go eat a burger somewhere that knows me AND serves beer. Run on sentences anyone? I got more!
Okay that's enough of ranting :( I am sad panda.
25 September 2009
24 September 2009
23 September 2009
22 September 2009
20 September 2009
15 September 2009
I want to see the Aurora's at least one time in my life.
When I grow up I am getting the hell outta here. I gotta go check out the sky, the sky from a better vantage point.
I have always wanted to visit Alaska, I have to see it's icy cold beauty. And it also would afford me the chance to see the Aurora Borealis if I go visit Alaska during the right time of year. I have always planned on going with a friend or even going alone. I would have to carefully select who I would go with, if not alone.
Then on the flip side I have wanted to check out New Zealand, it's the youngest country on earth and you can see the Aurora Australis. I need to visit this place too before I die or become to jaded to care. One cool thing about New Zealand is I know people that have lived there. So I could at least get an idea of what to expect by talking to them.
So as soon as I sort out my little fine situation, money savings will begin and not cease until I have reached one of the two mentioned locations. I am not going to sit by the sidelines and let the things I need to happen in my life pass me by. Who knows I might want to move away from Santa Maria forever and go live in a far away place.
I don't want kids or to go to college or get married. I want to travel. I want to travel alone if possible so I can do what I want, when I want. No one has to worry about me and what I want to do. And I don't have to worry about others and their agendas. I would probably enjoy maybe a friend depending on the friend and their willingness to accompany me on my adventures. I tend to wing it often, even when I get lost when I go out of town I call it, 'Adventure'. We're not lost, it's an adventure.
09 September 2009
03 September 2009
22 August 2009
17 August 2009
I don't know what my problem is or what is wrong with me, APPARENTLY I have "deep rooted issues/anger issues". No this was not from a doc or a counselor... it was from a person I know. Anyways, I already know this... if I had the time to take off to be fully assessed by a real shrink and have the time to spend on working through my issues, things would be easier. However, I have a job and a life.... I can't put everything on hold because I have "issues". The world doesn't work that way.
So instead I get told I have a problem that I need to fix. That's it! No encouragement. No safety net or support group. No tips or advice to work through my anger. Instead I just get told what I have already known for like ever. Duh I am angry. Duh I have problems. Duh I have dark creepy hatefulness inside. Who the heck doesn't?! No one has a piece of cake life. My coping mechanisms may not be the best. I may not reach out for help but I know I can't just sit and wallow in my misery. I am not about to go section 8 or go on SSI because 'I had a hard life'. So stupid!
I go on hiding being angry or mean because I don't need people around me to notice I am a nasty person. I don't NEED people to tell me things I already know. It's during these instances where I just wanna throw my hands up in the air and go hermit style. Seriously if I am such a nasty person, that others have to point it out... then maybe I don't need to be out and about frolicking with the GP. It's a slap in the face I didn't need or am able to handle right now. I am so ready to cut off everyone I know just so I can keep my bad juju out of everyone's life.
07 August 2009
29 July 2009
This poor little dog comes over to rest with Ginger all the time. I think he us not only neglected but also abused. He never has a collar, he is covered in fleas and is always out. And the other day when he stopped by for food and water some one snipped the hair on the end of his tail clean off. :( Poor little guy, I have taken him back to the owners but I think this time I will just take him to the pound and put my name down as a potential adoptive parent for the little guy. Daniel already named him Guillermo and he totally answers to it. I feel bad for the poor guy. Stupid owners and their lame kids.
01 July 2009
It came from Japan and tasted quite fishy. It wasn't bad but I don't think I would choose to buy this as a snack. They had a sweetness to them too to help balance out the fishy taste. Thanks Bryan, it was an excellent taste bud adventure!
And here is a poem a friend of mine wrote for me because I like bananas:
I… AM A BANANA
I AM A BANANA… I LIVE IN A TREE.
I AM A BANANA… ITS GREAT TO BE ME.
LIVING SO FREELY… YELLOW AND SMOOTH,
YELLOW FROM SUN…MY RIPENESS I PROVE.
PLUCKED BY A MONKEY…DEATH I FEEL NEAR,
AS HE PEELS OFF MY SKIN… LIKE A FRESHLY KILLED DEER.
IN THE FORM OF A TURD, I FALL FROM THE SKY,
AND INTO THE GROUND, TO SPROUT I SHALL TRY.
I AM FERTILE AND WET, WITH THE SWEET MORNING DEW,
I REACH FOR THE SKY, AND LIFE STARTS ANEW.
29 June 2009
I had to hand craft an environmentally safe maxi pad for my dogs vagina. She decided last night that her vag needed to start the bleeding. So I had to make her a cloth diaper to wear till I can get to the pet store to do it the lazy way. And after she is done making a mess of herself she gets to see the vet for a little snippa snippa!
Fashion maxi pad, I made it myself!
28 June 2009
When I sit at home getting ready for bed the scary what ifs come out to get me. The alcohol, the pills and anything else I can get my greedy little hands on to keep the what ifs from destroying me; there they still are, the what ifs. Staring into the dark with my covers pulled up around my head afraid of something that is going to get me and it's all in my head. I just want to blackout. I don't want to think... I don't want the what ifs to get me. There are lots of what ifs and as much as I try to avoid, ignore, look past them.... they are always there. At work they stare at me in the face when I have idle time. When I open my eyes in the morning there they are looking back at me.
Of course all I ever hear is that I worry over nothing... I stress about little things... I need to relax. I try to relax all the time to no avail! I wish I could have some kind of brain damage and yet again here I am thinking: What if I get brain damage and I can't help my family? What if I end up not able to take care of myself? What if I end up with Alzheimer's like grandpa? I hope I don't end up a burden for my family. And then change my mind and hope nothing bad happens to my brain and yet here I am staring back into my mind wondering why? What the deal is? Why does the rest never come? Seriously how hard does a brain have to think before it melts down???
Three hundred million thoughts of what ifs go through my mind all day everyday... I don't know which what if to worry about and which to ignore completely....
Example last night during one of my what if moments here is a text I sent my sister:
If god frowns on suicide and hurting yourself? What if someone has an actual mental affliction they can not control? Does god forgive them if they hurt or kill themselves?
Seriously if god knows all and and is benevolent and forgiving.... is he willing to overlook a sin because someone is actually "sick" and can't help themselves? Ok; you that read this don't get worried, I know there was a macabre post earlier but these are the questions that run through my mind all the time.... silly little questions that would never apply to me but still! Inquiring minds want to know, I am seriously a Curious George. I want to know answers for everything and its an impossibility but I will continue to ask my questions; answers or no. Now here goes the way my brain thinks.....
>One of the commandments says you should not kill or spill innocent blood or something along those lines.... Well that would then apply to the self. One should not shed one's own blood or murder themselves.... (Yeah yeah I know its all about interpretation but dammit my brain thinks this way.) So to me this means you did a no no if you hurt yourself or kill yourself. But there are those out there that are completely mad and off themselves. Really things are getting worse by the minute... so wouldn't god understand that things are getting worse. Humans as a whole are degenerating at an exponential rate. Is he going to hold a 10 year old that offs themselves responsible and deny them whatever prize it is he has for them. (This is all speculation of course cause I dunno if there is or is not a god.) I mean even now our society sees a 10 year old as someone that is too immature to make responsible decisions. Would god, if god exists, hold a 10 year old responsible for such an act? Would the parents be held responsible?>
Stupid thinking and stupid thoughts.... I need to stop writing before I end up in the PUFF... really though these are thoughts that daily haunt me. I do not know if there is a god. I do not know what happens to people when they die. I don't know why these thoughts haunt me. I don't know why I kick myself in the shins when I have it so good. I have a job, my family counts on me, my friends and co-workers appreciate me but I get those strange thoughts.... I think that if there is by chance a god, I would not want to disappoint, I try my hardest to be a good person. I don't know what happens when we die... I hope I just get to become worm food and nothing more. My small mind can not comprehend the thought of heaven or hell or reincarnation or whatever the damn most popular thing at the time is. I wonder if there is a better person out there for my some what significant other.... someone not hung up on what ifs and a silly heart day dreamer. I want the best for everyone. I want my siblings to become self sufficient and not have to look to me for advice, guidance or help. I can hardly help myself.
I know I do this to myself... I don't need to be a receptive friend, person, sister.... I can walk off into the sunset and never be heard from again. And yet again here I am thinking what would happen if I did that? What if I did walk off? How many times have I been a shoulder to cry on? How many times have a figuratively talked someone off the ledge? Who would fill my shoes if I leave? What mess will I leave behind if I pull a selfish move? Alright enough of this lame shit. Have a good day all.... next time you ask what the heck I am spacing off on you can know, everything!
26 June 2009
First and foremost, this is just writing to get things off my chest. Plus everyone has strange little thoughts from time to time especially during times of crisis. So last night I had one of those, cry myself to sleep nights. Those nights where you feel defeated about everything and you just want to crawl into a hole and die. And of course you hear people chime in with, "Only selfish people check out early." Well in my thoughts, it's those people who say that who are the ones that are selfish. I mean really if someone is that depressed and over it and it's agony to wake up and continue everyday. Why would you want to keep someone in that type of daily torture? Because you are selfish! Because if they are gone it would bother YOU... because it would in turn make YOU feel bad. But really when someone is scrapin' rock bottom, reprimanding someone about how selfish they are being does NOT, I repeat, does NOT help. I mean come on, let's all kick the depressed person while they are down!
17 May 2009
My really good friend Stacy found love in photography. She takes some really good pictures and with picture taking she discovered that modifying photos helps her creative juices flow. And she always does such a good job editing her own photos, I asked her to do one of mine. Here are the results:
I really like the 2nd one and the last one, they are all good but those two call to me a bit more.