2 Qualms

These should probably be thrown under the pet peeve category....(three if you count the fact that I think I honestly am losing my memory.)

1.)  First and foremost.... I am NOT a prude but god damn it if every stupid movie I want to watch these days has to be sprinkled with several sex scenes.  I DO NOT want 5, 2 minute segments in every movie involving sweaty backs, nail clawing and thrusting with inaccurate moaning.  That is 10 minutes a movie of sex that I am not having.... why would you want me to watch that Hollywood???  Also, what's up with the recent gratuitous penis/ball shots these days???

Some of my favorite movies have sex scenes but not every god damn scene change.  What ever happened to the movie montage?  Seriously!  I end up grabbing the remote to fast forward through the poorly done sex scenes.  Look, I KNOW sex sells.  So either make a damn porn or get the fuck out of my story line!  I have found myself watching K-dramas/K-Movies because even a kiss scene is over the top.  -_-  I can't even watch certain shit in my own house cause I don't need Andy watching crotch/tit shots.  Don't get me wrong, I saw that shit as a kid but seriously it was a brief blink not 2 minutes of grunt-tastic action.  I fucking hate watching fucking sex scenes in my plot related movies.  You either get a movie or you get porn.... why does it have to be both?!?!?!  Was Boogie Nights not enough?????

A to Z Challenge: E is for Einbahnstraße

So as most of my followers know, I can't think straight when I have to pee.  I get lost, confused easily and often times get quite giddy (sometimes drunkeness coincides).  This challenge reminded me of the 2nd time in Germany that I lost my wits to the pee-pee dance monster.

Pics of the day wandering in Köln can be found here and here is an excerpt of that post:

"We got to walk through this really peaceful park when the wandering turned into hilarity.  My sister and I were heading out of the park when I noticed a street sign and mentioned we must have wandered closer to where we were staying.  I blame the urgency to use the wash closet, darkness approaching and beers.  But somehow I managed to confuse the name of the street the hostel was at Engelbertstraße, with the sign posted on the street that said Einbahnstraße.  I knew what the word said but my lazy brain was filling in the blanks, it started with E and ended in straße that had to be the street, right?  We just keep following that street in the direction of the hostel and we will be there, right?  No, not right.  Einbahnstraße basically means one way street.  We had a good laugh over my ridiculousness.  Let's just say the urge for urinating supersedes my keen sense of direction and comprehension skills."

We had been staying at the Meninger Hotel which is located on Engelbertstraße, I am sure you could see where my silly confusion came from, no?  I do highly recommend AGAINST the hostel we stayed at, it was not what I was looking for.  No, I am not picky but damn the bunk beds were half falling apart AND the shower stalls were dirty and pooled up to well above your ankles even if you were water savvy and turned the water off between soaping and rinsing.  No joke -_- all bad... And I won't take the, "You get what you pay for," bullshit because I could have paid less and slept in a church and quick washed in a WC for much cheaper.  Fuck you Meninger Hotel!

Revenge of the Bathroom Nightmares

So last night during dinner, Andy told me I should pack my suitcase and move out.  Maybe he was joking, maybe he wasn't.  I can never tell with the kid because to him everything is a big joke.  Jokes on me!  Yay.  Earlier that day I advised the mister to have a chat with Andy because he was being wasteful, again.  I had already discussed proper use of toilet paper and not to be wasteful with it.  But he didn't listen and has been using toilet paper to wipe down the foggy mirrors after his shower.  The discussion I had asked the mister to have had slipped my mind and his.  So the discussion was not had before Andy had his shower last night.  I went to bed early so I could have a nice early morning run.

***Warning: Do not keep reading if you don't want to hear about tampons and periods.***

A period of reflection or thought.

She said:
"Introspection and Action
The first is easy the second comes hard to most. And far too easy for some. Easy like a snake sloughing off it's old skin to let the new one shine. Leaving the old shell behind gets harder with age/time. Connections have become fewer and slightly harder to make. People get comfortable in their niche.
Ignorance is bliss, which is why most people turn a blind eye to the inside. And the fear of change keeps that blind eye shut."

To which he responded:
"Introspection without action is fine as well. Now, if we come to the same conclusions over and over, decide a change must be made, and then promptly uncork a bottle of wine..."

Well isn't that a little bit crazy?

Bathroom Nightmares

After bath time our floor was ending up completely soaked.  So we warned Andy not to make a wet mess of the bathroom or he wouldn't be able to have baths; only showers.  That night the shower ended up a soapy wet mess again, so we decided showers, until he can behave in the tub.  I still had yet to figure out how, if he was showering, the bathroom was ending up just as wet as when he had a bath.  The other night I was walking by the bathroom and I heard the shower running and saw the light from under the door flick off and on several times.  I had my hubs come ask him what he was doing.  He claimed he was showering still.  Apparently the floor was getting soaked because he would run to play with the light switch several times while taking his shower.   Why he runs between the light switch and the bathtub when he showers to flick the lights off and on a few times is beyond me.  Now we know how the bathroom ends up completely wet at least.  Issue has been addressed and the aftermath of bath time is much drier thankfully.  I don't even ask to know why anymore.

Review: Rounderbum

A few weeks ago Rounderwear contacted me to ask if I would be so kind as to review a pair of their Rounderbum panties.  Given that I am an honest person and they were offering a free pair, I figured, what do I have to lose?  Right?  No there will be no pictures of my butt in this post.  As you will find out as you read on the underwears were not very flattering AND they kinda resembled granny panties.  Sorry panty pervs, no Susie butts in this episode.

"You remember, Antwan Rockamora?"

"Half black, half Samoan, used to call him Tony Rocky  Horror." - Jules

Long story short Tony Rocky Horror got pushed out of the window of a 4-story building.  For giving another man's wife a foot massage, supposedly.

Is it me or does that foot look a little on the large side?

A co-worker casually mentioned that he wouldn't want to have anyone other than his wife give him a massage.  How the conversation came up I don't recall.  But it made me think about my own situation.  I have been in the mood for a massage.  I know I can ask the mister for one but I want one from someone else.  Not anyone in specific, but the little Asian place at the mall looks to be promising.  I am in need of a good deep tissue massage and a foot massage for good measure.

Now here is my thought, would my Marcellus be upset if another man gave his wife a massage?  Or does the sex of the masseuse not matter?  Would it be okay with my Marcellus if the masseuse was a woman (with very strong hands)?  Being technically still a newlywed since we have yet to hit the 7-year itch (doubtful of this happening but marriage/divorce rates seem to prove otherwise)... I am assuming neither would be a problem.  No need for suspicions to be raised about happy endings and such.  Plus, he isn't a jealous guy over trivial things like massages.  Or are all guys territorial when it comes to things like massages.  See, here I am second guessing my assumption because I for one am not a guy.  Two, I wouldn't care if he got a massage without a happy ending of course. 

So instead of assuming and entering into a common reason for marital quarrel: non-communication; I need to ask.  And what would be the most diplomatic way of asking?

"I want a massage, but not from you.  Is that okay?"  Hmm probably not the best way to ask.  They should have offered a class in tact when I went to school, I need it.

All of the stress of moving, packing, paying deposits and switching utilities... I need a massage from a professional (or the Asians at the mall).  I am thinking maybe suggest a couples massage, we both go get our kinks worked out together.  [All you get your head out of the gutter!  I mean tension kinks not sexual kinks.  Oh for fucks sake it all sounds dirty with the word kink involved.]  Maybe I just need to douse the liver in a bottle of wine and be done with my need for a massage.  Seriously though, my neck and shoulders are so tight it's making sleep and swimming annoying.

I guess my other alternative is to see the chiropractor and make sure that I get a massage after being adjusted.  And going to get a pedicure but make sure they spend extra time on the massage part of the pedicure.  Diplomacy; not my strong suit. 

SpongeBob SquarePants Underoos

Once upon a time I had an iguana that I would go rock hunting for.  I would go check out the dry Santa Maria riverbed and fish out large, flat rocks for my iguana to bask on.  I was out early one Saturday morning, hunting for rocks and I had spotted the perfect rock.  It was smooth, flat and large enough for my iguana to lay on perfectly.  So I decided to abandon some of the other rocks I had piled up and opted to lug the perfect one back to my truck.  Once I got to where my truck was parked I discovered a problem with my plan.  How the hell was I supposed to hoist my rock up to where the road was?  I was too short to throw it up there and I didn't have a container for my rock.  Then a stroke of genius hit me, I could fashion a container out of my blue jeans.  Then all I have to do is hoist it over my shoulder and climb on up out of the dried up riverbed.  My plan was flawless!

Click to enlarge.

Clerks (AV Edition) Part 3

Now back to our normally scheduled programming and the final installment of my adventures as an AV clerk.  You can read about Part 2 and Part 1 if you feel the need.  My 3 part saga was interrupted by life and work and mostly just life.  But now for what you have all been waiting for, the end! 

Pissing In Public

I interrupt your Clerks (AV) Edition broadcast to bring up a beef I have in my apartment complex (in general really).

Public Uriniation

Last night my mom and I had a lovely dinner.  On my way back home I saw this billboard:

Baño=bathroom in Spanish.  So peeing outside is a good thing?  Es fácil ser hombre con carácter= It's easy to be a man with character.

Clerks (AV Edition) Part 2

If you have been following along with my posts regarding my employment at an AV store this is part 2: Angry Customers.  You can enjoy the prologue here and part 1 here.

Angry customer destroyed a T-Mobile store.

This guy from Manchester tore up a T-Mobile store because they refused to give him a refund.  That's some anger right there.  The guy wanted a refund for something that was out of his terms and conditions so he had himself a hissy.

Clerks (AV Edition) Part 1

Carefully examine this picture.

You see that picture, can you point out how has a panty fetish?  Or gets their jollies by exposing themselves to other people?  How about who just bought some new lingerie for their special evening tonight?  

WC's

In preparation for my trip to Germany I read about important things like using the bathroom. Hold on, before you start thinking, "Damn this girl is going to another country and isn't even potty trained?!" No, no. I read that bathrooms are marked WC (for water closet) in Germany. Kind of important to know how bathrooms are labeled especially when one is going to be in Germany for several days. I really can't hold it THAT long. So, armed with the knowledge that a lavatory is labeled WC I did well at first. I had no problem locating bathrooms (another thing I read was that you had to pay to use most public lavatories) or carrying the correct amount of money to use the loo.

I don't know if this has happened to your or not but I know it's not just me. Have you ever had to pee so bad that you couldn't think straight? The only thing in your mind is the prospect of finding a lavatory and feeling that joy of finally being able to relieve yourself (NOT in your pants). You start having mad thoughts of popping into an alley or behind a bush just to feel the sweet relief you much desire. Then, you find a bathroom, you suddenly let the flood gates loose. When you are finished you feel like you are on top of the world. That frantic feeling, being unable to think straight, it's all gone! Suddenly you feel like you are thinking with the utmost clarity and you can take on anything. Well I had to go pee pretty bad while in Munich, REALLY bad.

The Poop Stick

Being a reader of many foreign blogs I am aware of dual flush toilets. I think it's a fine idea and a great way to conserve water. You use the big button for poops and the little button for pee.

Many places in Germany had dual flush toilets. Not all of the buttons looked like the one on the right but they were comparable.

I noticed that many places required several flushes due to the water pressure I assume. Or dual flush toilets are just constructed very poorly. Even if my business was only number 1, the toilet paper would just not flush! So I started just using the big flush, still not very good. Not very efficient in saving water if you ask me.

So by the time we got to Wiesbaden to visit April, Chase and Tucker I decided to voice my findings after using their bathroom. I had gone number 2 ****Warning!!! TMI: My poop wasn't a huge log or anything like that. It was actually a small very soft #2. My body was still trying to adjust to the food and drinking I was doing in Germany. Soft stool, now you know.****

I came out of the bathroom after 5 big flushes and said, "Dude your toilets here suck! I just made the tiniest turd and had to flush 5 times!!! I could only imagine if I had shit a log how I would have managed to get it down."

Chase then goes on to explain that he uses the toilet scrubber to break up his poop so it will flush down! Nasty! I suppose you gotta do what you gotta do. To me the scrubber is for cleaning the toilet not busting up giant turds!

From that point on I started noticing that most bathrooms in Germany have what I now affectionately refer to as "The Poop Stick". Obviously Germans know about their water pressure issue and are awesome enough to provide poop sticks. It would be shitty (har har) to use a bathroom and flush in a vain effort to break up the poop. Or even worse just leave the dookie for the next unsuspecting victim.

While discussing bathrooms, I noticed a few places where the toilets had no seats. Just a bowl! And many places didn't have ass gaskets either. While in Germany I did a lot of hover peeing/pooping. Hover peeing is easy peasy. Hover pooping; takes some skill. I would say I will pack my own ass gaskets for future trips but why waste money and packing space. I did remember to pack tissue because toilet paper running out is a world wide problem. Sucks when you run in to pee and then realize: SHIT no toilet paper!