31 July 2012

Clerks (AV Edition) Part 1

Carefully examine this picture.
You see that picture, can you point out how has a panty fetish?  Or gets their jollies by exposing themselves to other people?  How about who just bought some new lingerie for their special evening tonight?  


Can't tell huh?  I don't know who the people in the above photo are, much like I didn't know the clientele that would visit the adult store where I worked.  When I first started working at DAW the first few weeks I was in awe at the videos people would rent or the items they would buy.  Then after a while I was just a retail drone.  Scan, total, collect funds and moving on to the next customer.  But on occasion you would get someone that would jar you out of your worker drone haze.  Well what do you mean?  Give me some examples please.
It takes all kinds!

1.)  The burly truck driver that would come in every few weeks to buy women's panties.  Every time he came in he asked where the panties were located, as if they would have been moved.  Then after selecting the panties of choice he would very quietly come to the register to pay for them.  He would then politely ask to use the bathroom, I would provide the key and off he would go to the bathroom.  It took me a few times to catch on to what he was doing.  He was wearing ladies panties!!!  He was painfully shy (I would be too if I was a big, burly, truck driver waltzing around with ladies silk panties) and I decided I was going to be an ass and tell him the bathroom was out of order.  He looked a bit concerned and asked again, he then leaned in and said he just wanted to change.  Then he asked that I not tell anyone.  Who was I going to tell (the whole internet is who)? I KNEW what he was up to!!!  I would never guess in a million years if I saw that person on the street that he had a thing for women's panties.  NEVER!  It eventually became a guessing game I played to kill the time, I would guess which pair he would go for when he would come in.  I never guessed correctly.  I guess he just liked them all, go figure.

2.)  Grams and Gramps; no not mine.  But I am sure they were grandparents to someone.  They came into the lingerie store together and then Grams was left with a shopping list.  I guess Gramps went out to the car to read the newspaper and smoke his pipe or whatever it is that geriatrics do.  Anyways, a list, yes; a shopping list of novelty items to purchase for her and Gramps to try out.  She was really sweet and nice, she explained to me that Gramps was terminal.  She went on to explain that Gramps had a few dying wishes and Grams was willing to comply.  Now picture your grandma.... or better yet imagine someone elses; I don't want you to have horrible dreams.  Picture someones grandma saying, "Do you have anal trainers, nipple clamps and French ticklers?"  I dutifully showed her to the items in question, explained their functionality compared to other similar items and let her make her selection.  All the while in my mind I am imagining the talk between her and Gramps.

Gramps:  Darling, I'm dying.  You have been the love of my life and we have raised our family and grown old together. 
Grams:  Yes, honey, we have lived a full and happy life.
Gramps:  I have one last dying wish my dear.
Grams:  Yes honey, anything for you.
Gramps:  I wanna stick stuff up our asses while you wear nipple clamps.
Grams: Okay! Sign me up!

Uhhh.... okay I was just the damn store clerk.  BUT  SERIOUSLY,    WHAT     THE     FUCK?!  No request to see the Northern Lights or hunt an endangered species?  No.  Just kinky, old people stuff.  That's all.  Needless to say I am still haunted by images of geriatric kink.  Oh dear lord I feel like I have just relived the day again.  I hope you're happy!

3.)  The flasher.  Yes, we had a flasher.  But not the typical trench coat wearing guy.  He wore normal clothes but he kinda looked like Buffalo Bill.  Creepy!  I don't know how long he did his flashing bit but I did catch him once and ban him from returning.  Who knows if he would just come back when I wasn't working.  At the store where I worked there were semi-private video booths that you could preview new releases.  It wasn't a free preview you had to feed the machine cash to preview for a short amount of time up to 40 some odd movies.  Quite honestly even though there were signs posted everywhere that masturbating was verboten, people did it anyways.  Hell there were trash cans and Kleenex in each booth!  I guess providing clean up stuff was better than having the staff have to clean the floors and walls right?  I also later learned that some men would use the video booths as a hook up place to meet other men.  So the store had a little video camera pointed down the corridor so we could yell, "One person per booth!"  when we saw booth hoppers.  Buffalo Bill used this camera as a way to facilitate his flashing.  He took the last booth and for some reason removed his clothing from the waist down.  REMOVED IT!!!! I thought I saw a looming figure at the end of the hall and the looming figure didn't appear to have clothing.  I shouted at the man to kindly get dressed and leave the premises because I was going to call the police.  He complied, no arguing at all but he did leave the store with his dick hanging out of his pants.  Who does that?!  How long was he doing that before I actually caught him?  And why did the other video booth customers never complain?  The guy tried to return once more to the store and I asked him to leave before he made it 5 feet into the store. 

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