01 August 2012

Clerks (AV Edition) Part 2

If you have been following along with my posts regarding my employment at an AV store this is part 2: Angry Customers.  You can enjoy the prologue here and part 1 here.

Angry customer destroyed a T-Mobile store.
This guy from Manchester tore up a T-Mobile store because they refused to give him a refund.  That's some anger right there.  The guy wanted a refund for something that was out of his terms and conditions so he had himself a hissy.

While working at DAW, there was a local periodical that came out quarterly and it was pricey from what I remember.  It was a periodical that was sold right next to the register because it had ads for swingers.  The whole periodical was dedicated to swingers.

No not this type of swinger.....

THIS type of swinger.

This periodical was kept stapled shut and you could not return it or get store credit for it.  Once you bought it, it was yours to keep.  No peeking, you had to purchase it to open it.  Thems the rules buddy.  One guy came into the store one night and asked about the periodical.  I explained what it was even though it was clearly printed on the cover exactly what it was AND how much it cost.  The guy decided he wanted to look through it to see if it was worth it to buy it.  Umm, no buddy, that's not how it works.  You buy it or you don't.

This man was trying to reason with me that I should let him open it.  I told him no a few more times.  The man started to get really agitated and raised his voice.  I politely asked him to lower his voice because he was alarming other customers.  I asked him to regain his composure or leave the store.  If he did not I would be forced to call the police.  He didn't much like the ultimatum that I had provided because it did not involve peeking in the precious, swingers personals that he so desperately wanted to see but not pay for.  I grabbed for the phone to call the police and this is what it turned into:
Except instead of Hulk flailing Loki about like a mad man.  It was a very, red faced, 20-something year old man flailing pornos, condoms, lubes all over the store!  Imagine the T-Mobile store from the picture at the top but instead of phones hanging off the walls it was smut and adult novelty items.  How do people get that mad?!  Did mommy ever deny him candy?  Or was his Hulk Hissy the way he got what he wanted in life?  Fucking Asshat!

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Well that brings me to  Fucking Asshat number two.  DAW followed a strict no exchange/refund policy for undergarments or novelty items that are intended for undergarment areas.  All sales are final.  So as per common practice when you were to purchase your item, if it was battery operated, we provided the batteries (which also served to make sure we didn't gyp someone with faulty products).  Policy makes sense right?  I mean it does to me.  How some people can't wrap their puny brains around that idea is beyond me.
 This woman comes into DAW with a paper sack waiting impatiently to talk to me.  I had customers to attend to before her so I let her know I would be with her in a moment.  When I finally get to her she says she would like to return an item that she had purchased a few days ago.  I advised her of the return policy for novelty items.  In this particular case it was this novelty item:
Lana's Ladybug
I advised her that these items were under no circumstance allowed to be returned, refunded or exchanged.  She insisted that I should at the very least let her exchange her item.  Several times she tried to hand me the bag and I told her I was not allowed.  She then went on to tell me why she wanted to return the item.
It smelled bad?

She then insisted I smell the item to verify her claims.  To validate the reason for her return.  Uh no!  I was not going to put anything near my face that may or may not have been remotely near some woman's cootchie!!!  Was she insane?!  She actually held it out of the bag over the counter in an effort to get me to sniff it.  I told her I was not going to smell it.  She then realized she must have sounded crazy because another person was looking at her shaking their head.  The woman explained that the item smelled strongly of chemicals and rubber.  Well lady, you get what you pay for.  She bought a synthetic rubber 'massager' synthetic rubber is petroleum based, of course it smells of chemicals!  No you can't return it and NO I WILL NOT SMELL IT!  Now get on outta here with your Ladybug.  She did, but not before stomping her foot and shouting how she would never return again.  So what lady?!  Store still stands.  Obviously the store has gone on without your patronage.  Sometimes I wonder where planet retard is located and why they keep sending ambassadors to me.  Why?!

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This job helped cement in my mind that retail work was NOT, I repeat NOT for someone like me.  I can't handle people who think that because they are the customer, they get things the way they want all the time.  Damn it, it was an AV store not fucking Burger King.  You don't get it your way!  You get it the way we want to give it to you and if you don't like it:  Go some place else.  I see this all the time even at regular retail stores.  Where customers are down right rude, impatient and all around an embarrassment to the human race.  So what did I go on to do after this job?  I went on to become phone technical support for even shittier human beings.  Stories of call center life are for a later date in time when I feel like reliving the horror that is helping people who don't speak English over the phone.

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