Dear Mc Donald's #3,

     I know better than to eat your "meals", I really do.  And I really know that my sweet tooth will be the death of me.  But why would you try to kill me so soon?  I just wanted a simple sugary snack and I chose the relatively safe ice cream cone.  I didn't even get it dipped in chocolate.  I feel like throwing up and as if my stomach is full of hot lava.  Mc Donald's why must you tempt me with your sugary snacks and then try to kill me????  Do you not want me to return and spend my dirty American dollars on what you try to pass off as ice cream?

     I have now decided never to eat ice cream from you ever again.  I will stick to the high price of Ben and Jerry's because I know that it is made out of real milk and not some vanilla flavored powder.  You can keep your nasty sugars! 

     Oh god I wish I could just barf to make this horrible feeling end.  Dear lord I want to throw up so bad.

Respectfully,
     Sick To My Stomach Susie

P.S.  Your unsweetened iced tea is starting to taste rancid too!

P.S.S.  I probably have myself to blame for not eating as often as I used to.  My tolerance has gone down and your Mc Fatty sugars destroyed me like tequila destroys many a young adult when they reach legal drinking age.  They want to vomit too.

The Cruise

It has yet to happen but I am feeling a tad uneasy about it right now.  I got an e-mail yesterday afternoon from the cruise line regarding a delay in departure.

Why?

So rude!

Saturday morning I went out to run some errands.  I have a foreign exchange student staying with us from Indonesia and he requested a few snacks.  The guy in the above picture is not the exchange student.  He is a bad apple.  He is one of those older folks that think the world owes them something.  I can't stand people like that!

He had been standing in a check out line when he decided to change lanes.  In the process of changing into the lane I was queued up for, he slammed his cart into my arm in an effort to cut me off.  I exclaimed, in pain, "Ouch."  He then gave me the nastiest look and in a very rude tone said, "Excuse you."

No, excuse you.  You hurt me.
EXCUSE YOU, for being in my way.
An apology would be nice.
I am not going to apologize for hitting you.  I got in this lane first.
I don't care which lane you want to be in, I don't mind waiting.  What I do mind is getting hit and not getting a simple apology.
I won't apologize for hitting you.  I would do it again too.
For an older gentleman you are setting a very poor example for us younger people.

He turned away and didn't utter another word.  I so wanted to just pop off at the mouth and give him an ear full.  But he already was making himself look like a jackass... and getting called out for being a bad person was the icing on the cake.  People were looking at our exchange.  He was acting immature and someone young enough to be his daughter called him out.  I think he was a bit embarrassed.  I took out my cell phone and took a picture of the back of his head just so I could post it on my blog.  I was shocked that he was unapologetic no matter what his age.  I was so glad I didn't let my temper get the best of me but I was pretty hot under the collar.  Since when is it okay to mow someone down and feel good about it?  I seriously hate people some days.  I told the mister about it and he told me I should have hit him with my car.  Violence is not the answer but I hope that old man went home stewing because a youngster had to remind him about his manners. 

In all honesty I probably would not have said a word to him had he not hit my arm that is currently in a splint.  So yea, I was already a bit hurt in the arm that got plowed into.  I didn't need to be in more pain, I thought evil little thoughts in my head stabbing tiny daggers in his eyes.  It must be exhausting to be such a nasty mean person all the time... because that little exchange I had with the man was enough to tucker me out and it was only 9am!!!

Woke up on the snarky side of the bed.

Literally and figuratively!

Snarky, my dog was on the side of the bed I woke up on, that's a good thing.  Nothing like waking up next to undying loyalty and wagging tails right?  The morning started out so nicely, I was looking forward to work and later pottery.  I was looking forward to the child returning to school until I was reminded what a pill it is to get him going to school.  So my mood quickly shifted to snarky and seems to have stayed with me.  I left while he was in the midst of his school routine, not listening, lolly gagging and running late as usual.

I feel like Hank right now.

Any moment now I feel like I could just be less helpful than I tend to be at work.  Or tell a co-worker to shut up because I am tired of hearing about their children.  There is a child in my house, I don't want to hear, see or be around others when I am at work.  Work is the great escape and I like my job.  Well at least until recently.

Bad things happen to good people.

I was a lazy shit this week.  I didn't run since last week, not once, until today.  My sister, who doesn't run, decided to come run along with me.  She had her best mile time in, well, since ever!  I had a nice shower and said my goodbyes to my mister and his son.  Went on my way to a Pampered Chef Party... I promised I would.  So off I went to have my shower; so my sister could take me with, to her house and then have her shower too.  The plan was we could go to the party from her house after her shower.

I waited at her house while I had a nice long chat with her room mate.  This is her first year teaching and she has a bit of a tough student.  Andy's teacher is also in her first year, having a tough student being none other than Andy.  After my sister had her shower we headed over to the glorified Tupperware Party.  By this time (11.30) I was famished.  A 5k run, only a smoothy in my belly; I was looking forward to the snacks these parties provide.  I was considering what to pile onto my second cake-slice sized plate of food when I heard my phone ring.

Drugs are bad, mkay.

Did I ever tell the story of when I was strangled?

No, not to death.  Obviously!

No, it wasn't some sex thing.

Once upon a time I was at a rave (okay often I went to raves).  For the most part I will have to attest that sometimes things don't go too well or all too often end up forgotten due to a drug induced haze.  Oh but I remember, I remember it was Nocturnal Wonderland in Downtown LA.  (Lineup if you are interested in that sort of thing.) As you can guess by the title it was Wonderland themed/inspired, it had been a few years since I had attended Nocturnal Wonderland and this time I thought I would go as Alice.  

Wasting Money

If you have money to burn by all means do so.  If you have a hobby you like to sink money into, do it!  It's good to have a hobby.  Some people save up their extra money and take a vacation.  I do both, I use spare cash on hobbies and vacationing.  It's fun money, I use it on something fun... something other than bills that have to get paid.  

There goes my buzz....

A bottle of wine deep and two-thirds of the bathroom cleaned when Murphy comes a knockin' at my door.  I thought I would spend my Friday night at home packing crap and cleaning house.  I got tired of packing crap so I figured I would make the bathroom nice.  A nice uneventful evening at home cleaning, packing and drinking wine right?

No, not right.

The fucking shower knob thingamajigger broke.  It's not the first time... the first time it was age that made the plastic part inside break.  This time it's cheap plastic (replaced by even cheaper property management) that caused the problem.  You turn the knob but the plastic part inside is not grabbing the inner bits that cause the water to come out.  I can actually see the plastic innards have snapped apart.

Mine is not a Moen, it has no brand.

So here I am at 21:30, in my house garb, sweaty and hands smelling of bathroom cleansers with a broken shower.

I call the maintenance hot-line, which I can tell is located somewhere in The South.  If I know anything, I know that maintenance here works at the speed of a one-legged man who broke his one leg.  I spent the day working and then attending high school graduation out on this unusually warm, sunny day.  THEN I went home to slave some more.  I wanted a damn shower.

Then I call my gym, I never go at night.  They close at 11 on Fridays so I have time to get over there and wash up.  Then the brilliant idea hits me, I should have a little run/brisk walk while I am there.  I have time for a little exercise before my shower.  

So now I am clean with a broken shower.  I have an empty bottle of wine that I feel none of the effects of having imbibed.  It's now approaching midnight, should I pop open the soju?

It's probably best I do not since I am supposed to help a friend move to his new place first thing in the morning.  -_-

I probably shouldn't have gone down to 7-11 for a French Vanilla Cappuccino either.  I hope tonight isn't a sign of how 'smooth' my weekend will go.

Earthquakes and Stupids

At 7:38 am a 4.8 earthquake ROCKED the central coast (Wednesday, 29th of May, 2013).  Off the coast of Isla Vista, California to be exact.

"Then we went to the ocean to look for a tsunami."

Skirt or Shorts?

The other day after work I had to make a quick run to the grocery store.  I need to stop doing that during the day.  Events are getting scarier with each day time venture to the store.  Anyways,  on my way there I was lucky enough to be walking behind the Queen of Trashy.  I was so dumbstruck I had to take a picture.  I don't know if she heard the phone make the picture sound or not but I really didn't care.  I had to share the horrors.  

My question is, was this woman wearing a very short skirt or did her ass eat her shorts?

The Door

A while back I was reading a blog post about everyday things that make you think, "Why?"  It made me think of my everyday thing that I wonder about.  Really it's not everyday for me, it's more like every time I visit my sister.

At the end of the street she lives on there is a two-story house with a door that leads to nothing.  Every time I drive by I want to know why.  I always intend on stopping to get a picture of it and Saturday I finally took the time to stop.  

Why?!

I would imagine if a sleepwalker lived in that house it would be his demise.  Sleepwalk right out of the house and kersplat!

And on an unrelated note; Darth Vader reads the bible.  Now I am off to search Youtube in an effort to find clips of Star Wars with bible verses dubbed in.

The things you find in thrift stores...

Yet another pet peeve.

swag

noun /swag/  swags, plural An ornamental festoon of flowers, fruit, and greenery - ribbon-tied swags of flowers A carved or painted representation of such a festoon - fine plaster swags A curtain or piece of fabric fastened so as to hang in a drooping curve Money or goods taken by a thief or burglar - garden machinery is the most popular swag A large number, amount, or variety - a swag of events including fleece competitions, poultry and water fowl competitions, and a tractor pull A traveler's or miner's bundle of personal belongings

When fairness fucks me.

Backstory:

When I started work at my company my contract stated an hour lunch.  After conferring with my boss and explaining that my peak productivity is during mid day (teachers and staff call me during their lunch time) we agreed it would be smart for me to have a 30 minute lunch.  I love 30 minute lunches, don't worry I will get to the reasoning after the backstory.  Skip forward several years, after we have gone through several HR directors, to present day. (I like our current director because he IS fair.)

Dreaming of Death (alternate working title: School Shootings)

9 January I emailed my sister about my dream:

"I had a terrible nightmare.  I think it's cause the students and normal school craps starts up again today.  But I had a dream that some crazy gun-toting student went into {name of sister's school} and shot up the place and that you got shot.  And I had a nervous breakdown at work like when grandma was dying in the hospital.  :(  I woke up feeling scared and sad last night.  Today I feel better.  But make sure you have a plan of escape and I think maybe today I will type up what I want done with my remains if something tragic ever happens to me."  {And run on sentences for days, with lots of ands!  If you have met me when I am excited about something I literally word vomit.  I type like I talk :p}

Why no more Facebook?

"Bless me father, for I have sinned.  It has been about I don't know how long since my last Facebook session.  These are my sins..."

What the frak is she going on about now?

Well I did it, AGAIN, I got rid of Facebook.  But instead of caving and enabling it again, I actually am allowing the 2 week expiration to run out on it.  So it will be gone FOREVER!  I can't recall when I axed it so the 2 week time may have already lapsed.

  "Lord Flying Spaghetti Monster, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner. R'amen."

The Hundred Dollar Store

That damn store you can never go to and escape with spending any less than a hundred dollars!

What store could she be talking about?
It must be some high end boutique.

No, no.  I'm talking about THIS:

Pet Peeve Friday

Okay so I am not a real-a-tor; or a realtor for that matter.  But damn it why do so many people say it wrong?  It seriously bugs the crap out of me.  There is no extra 'a' or 'i' between REAL and TOR.  I am not even talking about people that are new to the English language, I am talking native speakers that choose to say things wrong.  WHY?!  Dear lord why?!

Liar

I'm a liar.  I admit it.  I know how to play the game.  I got called out on it.  I didn't like hearing it and I didn't like admitting to myself that I am a liar.  No one likes to be called out on their bullshit.  Being called out forces you to be introspective.  It makes you see the ugly inside yourself.  I looked in and hated myself.  But also loved myself for having the talent to fib.  And then I became conflicted and angry.  So I shouted mean and angry words because of my displaced anger.

Smells like violence up in here!

Finish Him!

Let the weekend of violence begin!  Or rather end.  First it starts off with a mean spirited little girl shoving another little girl face first onto a hard wood floor.  The pusher did not even have a look of remorse in her eyes for hurting another little girl.  For NO REASON other than the little girl is mean.  The mean girls mom passed it off as the other little girl "fell".  Then later the confessions of how mean this little girl really is comes out.  The mean girl has a hard time playing nice with other kids.  She is also a biter!!!  Mom sweeping the bad behavior under the carpet is NOT going to fix the little girl's problems.  Don't even get me started on why I think that bad mommy is bad.  All I have to say, is I have my bad habits and in my assumption I am not going to screw up another life for my poor choices.  Some people don't stop to think about that when they decide to parent a child.  Like I have said there are good parents and then there are breeders.  More on that later!

Mom always said, "Think before you act."

But sometimes it was SO hard! I think when most people had a stop light in their mind pop-up while making decisions, I think I would run that red light like a boss! Or so I thought until I saw what not stopping to think would cause. I have always been quick witted. 'Quick as a whip, sharp as a tack,' I would always say. Being quick witted is great! But it's not so great when you do not have enough self control to stop and think things through BEFORE acting.



There have been several times in my life where my mind would begin to wander and I would think, "Self, I wonder what would happen if..." Before I could finish formulating the thought, I had already done the very thing I was going to ponder. You know, to weigh the consequences of my actions and all that junk. Suddenly I would find my self in deep doody, saying:



Did I do that?