Burning Down The House

.... no not the Talking Heads song.

I'm talking about Andyisms... they haven't stopped.  Just my blogging stopped.  Andy doesn't stop. 

The fear of the apartment being burned down started off quite early when we thought we could pop out to the grocery store for moment with the kid home alone.  We got back and the house smelled of burning.  Turns out he had been lighting matches in his room and burning plastic in his waste bin.  We learned early on that he can't be left alone if we want the apartment not being burned down and my dogs dead.


Fast-forward 5 years... and the saga continues.  Many times we have had to take away candles (his mother thinks buying candles for him is a great idea; STUPID!) and remove matches or lighters from his room.

The whole time living in the apartment he never once tried to warm up food in a to-go container in the oven.  There are two types of containers: plastic or paper.  Both would yield disastrous results if put in an oven.  How is it now that we have moved he thinks it is okay to put a paper to-go container into the oven to warm the food?  In what universe does that end well.  When his father asked why he would put a paper box in the oven, his answer: I wanted to warm up the food.

In 5 years he never put anything in the oven and now, in his infinite wisdom he decides that paper is what you use to warm food in the oven?!  Now, I can see how people would put blame on parents not showing children how to cook.  The kid has watched us cook.  He has been instructed on how to read directions.  He has been shown what is appropriate for use in the kitchen.  He has been invited to assist in the cooking however, he can't be bothered by it so whatever.  It's not me that will have to suffer Ramen on a daily basis when I kick him out at 18.  I actually like to cook and learn to cook new things often.  He is now banished from the kitchen and not even allowed to boil water unless he is being supervised... he is almost 15. 

And it gets worse.  Andy is on summer vacation right now.  In an effort to allow the kid some autonomy, not to mention the government sees him as "cured" of Autism Specturm Disorder.... I didn't know there was a cure for that.  Apparently the cure is just a judge deeming the child "cured".  Well, that tele-judge never had to live with Andy. 

Before I get into the nitty-gritty, where I live there is no need for homes to have air-conditioning.  A few days a year we may experience some temps in the 90's, rarer are the days that we hit triple digits.  This last week we experienced a few days that got into the upper 80's and lower 90's.  Oh my god how awful!!!  Seriously it's not that hot.  In our home we have the thermostat off and the heater off and disconnected.  Why?  Because it just makes a low humming noise, uses electricity and wastes gas since we don't use the heater in the house.  It's well enough insulated for winter and if not, put on a sweater!  Not to mention the fireplace can warm the house too.

So my question is why would a heater, if turned on, cool a house?  Doesn't the name say it all????  Heater.  Not cooler, HEATER.

So we left him home alone for a few hours and while we were out he decided he would fuck with the thermostat and plug the heater back in.  This could have gone horribly wrong in so many ways.  Like explosions and dead bodies and burned down house.  How does one take out an ad for a babysitter to watch a 15 year old boy?  At first glance nothing appears wrong with him.  He has all of his appendages and can speak in full sentences.  He just can't be left alone without constant supervision because he gets into shit and is going to kill us all.  My biggest fear is for my dogs, yes, my dogs.  It's not their fault we have tried to treat the kid as a "cured" normal teen and leave him home alone for a few hours.

Beware world... at 18 he will be out on his own.  Probably living in the bushes by the freeway or an underpass.  Probably trying to light fires where they shouldn't be.  When he starts the next raging fire in California I will be sure to write a letter to that judge letting him know how "cured" Andy really is.  At 18 he should be in assisted living or some place where he can have constant supervision... which more than likely will be the case when he lands himself in prison for arson or theft.