Skinny Jeans

Being a working girl that wears jeans on the daily causes a lot of wear and tear on my pants.  Why you ask?  Well I do crawl around under desks quite often.  [Insert inappropriate joke here.]  Really though wearing slacks or even worse; skirts to climb up ladders and under desks is just bad juju.  Let's just say my jeans have seen better days.  If they don't have holes in the knees already, the material is getting pretty thin and on it's way out.

My problem?  I hate shopping for jeans.

Why?  Skinny jeans.

The hot trend for jeans for a while now has been the skinny jean.

Here is what they are meant to look like:

Here is what they look like on me:

My first problem is my leg length/height; they are too short.  One solution would be to cut the legs off and make them shorter.  But then they wouldn't end in that severe taper that is part of the hip, signature, 'skinny jeans' look.  I also don't have a sewing machine.  Plus what is the point of buying new pants if I have to pay more just to have them altered?  My second solution would also resolve my second problem; saggy diaper butt.  Get smaller pants, which would involve shopping in the petite or tween department.  I can't stand hearing the chatter of tweens; so mundane and moronic!  Not to mention the "worn" look is prevalent in the tweens department.  Uh hello!  I am looking for pants that are not pre-shredded, I can do that myself after a few months of wear and tear.  Another danger of being a woman and shopping in the tween department is my fear of having the pants cut too small in the opposite direction.  

That could cause two things to happen; both very unsightly:

Muffin Top

Or the more unsightly camel toe:

Hello Captain Front Butt!!!

I also imagine getting dressed will be a chore in and of itself.  I like the ease of not fighting clothing to get dressed.  So I have decided not only is this fad stupid (you can translate it as I am old!) and I will be hitting the thrift stores to shop for some circa 1999 low-rise flares.  I often wonder how the young boys in the area avoid doing this:

"How'd you get the beans above the frank?"

I won't even go into how I feel about guys that wear skinny jeans.  Or maybe I will! Not today, I am frustrated at clothing.  I don't understand how those fashion bloggers do it, but I do not envy them.  (Also their blogs are kinda boring.  Guess I am not into knowing what Manolo Blahnik shoes go with my puce coffee mug.)

Ultimately climbing up ladders and under desks in pants needs to be comfortable.  My pants need to last a while.  They also need to keep from ripping in the arse from being too tight.  They also need to let me move.  Could you imagine pants so tight I can't climb a ladder because I can't bend at the knee?!