03 December 2012

SpongeBob SquarePants Underoos

Once upon a time I had an iguana that I would go rock hunting for.  I would go check out the dry Santa Maria riverbed and fish out large, flat rocks for my iguana to bask on.  I was out early one Saturday morning, hunting for rocks and I had spotted the perfect rock.  It was smooth, flat and large enough for my iguana to lay on perfectly.  So I decided to abandon some of the other rocks I had piled up and opted to lug the perfect one back to my truck.  Once I got to where my truck was parked I discovered a problem with my plan.  How the hell was I supposed to hoist my rock up to where the road was?  I was too short to throw it up there and I didn't have a container for my rock.  Then a stroke of genius hit me, I could fashion a container out of my blue jeans.  Then all I have to do is hoist it over my shoulder and climb on up out of the dried up riverbed.  My plan was flawless!

Click to enlarge.

 I start climbing out of the dried up riverbed when I hear voices.  I slowly peeked my head up over the edge and saw a bunch of cyclists.  They couldn't continue on their trail because the river washed out the dirt road.  I slowly slinked back down into the riverbed to wait for them to leave before running to my truck without pants on.  I was sitting there in the dirt for a few minutes when I see a cyclist peek down in my direction to ask if I was okay.  Oh dear lord someone saw me!  I said I was fine, just rock hunting.... in my underwear.  So I figured it was now or never, I had already been spotted.  So I climbed my way out of the riverbed wearing a pair of these bad boys:

Oh you sexy thang!
I calmly walked over to my truck (my face felt like it was on fire), dumped the rock off and put my pants back on.  I heard some giggles and climbed into my truck to realize that the cyclists were these guys:

Discovery Cycling Team
It turns out that they decided to stop for a break since the road was washed out and plot out an alternate path.  So had the dirt road not washed out they would have gone by on their merry way and my SpongeBob's would have never been seen.  I think I was traumatized by having a whole cycling team chuckle at my underoos because I forgot about this incident until I read this blog post by Billy.  I was bummed about Lance and since I don't like feeling bummed my mind automagically reminded me of this funny memory I had tucked away into the far reaches of my brain.  How many adults can say Lance Armstrong saw them in their SpongeBob underwear?  Hmmm... maybe more than I think but as far as I am concerned not many.  Well that was my "Lance Armstrong saw me in my underwear" story...

Day 2 of my juice fast.  It's going... I really miss chewing.  The flavors are not god awful but some juice recipes are a little more palate friendly than others.  As of today I have gone 4 days of not taking my stomach pill and didn't have horrendous night pains.  I probably should be weighing myself but since I am not juicing to lose weight, I am skipping it.  Now close your eyes if you don't want to read the TMI:  I have only pooped once and it was after my first juice on the first day.  Since then I have just been peeing as if I had the bladder of a 2-year old.  OFTEN!!!  Eating at home with the mister has been odd.  Last night when he was having dinner I felt the urge to run up and bite his sandwich.  I wasn't even hungry; I think I just smelled toasted bread and heard him crunching.  That's what got me, the urge to masticate not to actually eat because I wasn't hungry.  Movie time is kinda tough for me because I like to snack nuts or popcorn when I watch a movie.  Last night I had herbal tea with my movie, not satisfying. -_-

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