12 September 2013

Revenge of the Bathroom Nightmares

So last night during dinner, Andy told me I should pack my suitcase and move out.  Maybe he was joking, maybe he wasn't.  I can never tell with the kid because to him everything is a big joke.  Jokes on me!  Yay.  Earlier that day I advised the mister to have a chat with Andy because he was being wasteful, again.  I had already discussed proper use of toilet paper and not to be wasteful with it.  But he didn't listen and has been using toilet paper to wipe down the foggy mirrors after his shower.  The discussion I had asked the mister to have had slipped my mind and his.  So the discussion was not had before Andy had his shower last night.  I went to bed early so I could have a nice early morning run.

***Warning: Do not keep reading if you don't want to hear about tampons and periods.***

Well the run didn't happen, I talked my self out of it due to a blister*.  There was my first mistake, my morning did not start off energized and relaxed.  My second mistake was looking in the waste bin.  While having my morning pee, I looked at the mirror and there were little bits of paper all over it.  Argh, why couldn't he just use a towel or run the warmer???  So I decided to dig through the waste bin to see just how much paper he had wasted.  It was half full and as I started to pull the toilet paper out of the waste bin I caught a glimpse of a tampon wrapper.  WHAT.  THE.  FUCK.

Maybe other ladies would get upset at their spouse and automatically assume it was 'another woman'.  The hubs is a bit of a hermit and the last woman to step foot in my house is menopausal.  The trash in the bathroom had been emptied out well after that last visit.  My period is not due for another 7 days.  I automatically knew.  ANDY!!!!!!!  As I dig further down into the rubbish bin I see several empty tampon wrappers, empty tampon tube thingys and at the bottom of the bin I find my prize.  SEVERAL water logged tampons.  Why?  Really, WHY?!  I can understand curiosity, I mean they are small colorful packages.  One being opened and when the tampon was found to be boring and the curiosity appeased he would move on.  But several?  What 10 year old plays with tampons?  Our 10 year old.
Maybe my anger was a little overboard but I think I was more flabbergasted than anything else.  Maybe I am hormonal cause my period is around the corner?  No, I think I am just used to adults in my house that don't mess with other people's shit or waste things all willy nilly.  I woke up the mister and asked, no more like demanded he have a talk with his son.  It's not the first time he has been wasteful and dicking about in the bathroom after his shower.  I grabbed a roll of toilet paper, handed it to Andy and instructed him not to waste it because it is all the toilet paper he will be getting for the rest of the month.  I packed everything except his toothpaste, hand-soap, comb and toothbrush away in a box and put it in my closet.  Right next to the sunblock, hand-soaps and conditioner that I already had to take out of the bathroom.  Maybe he is trying to push my buttons so I do want to move out.  Push away little one, I got you beat!  You are living in MY apartment, not the other way around.

I decided to let the mister handle the rest of the talking, I was about this close (pinching my fingers with in a hair width apart) to telling him very graphically what liquid the tampons were designed to mop up.  Maybe it's time for the mister to get him a book about changes and have 'the talk' with him.  Before semen instead of spit ends up on his closet door mirror, I'll get to the spitting issue shortly.  That way he can understand that ladies tampons are meant for their periods not for; for whatever it is little boys do locked in a bathroom with ladies tampons.  I am a terrible female and fail at preparing for monthly duties.  I use an app to tell me when to expect my period for god sakes.  And I know to shop for my next monthly supply at the tail end of the current period.  Ya know, cause it's happening I remember that I will need stuff for later.  Now I have to shop between now and 7 days before my period starts and before I end up being the one wasting toilet paper while on an emergency run to the store.  It's days like these that make me wonder why I couldn't have been a guy, a bachelor living alone.  No periods, no kids, no nonsense.

While on my bathroom rant; toilet seat nonsense.  When Andy came to live with us he had good toilet etiquette.  In the last two weeks he has been forgetting to put the toilet seat down.  So we have been reminding him.  Maybe it's a habit he picked up from school along with the bad habit of spitting.  I'm talkin' we have found him spitting on his bed, on his bedroom closet door mirror, outside and who knows where else.  I have asked him to curb that nasty habit he picked up to no avail.  I almost want to say, "You can only spit if you chew tobacco.  So chew on this!" and had him some Skoal.  I am sure that will break him of the spitting habit REAL quick.  Maybe that's not the right angle to tackle this issue.  Spitting and leaving toilet seats up, *sigh* at least he did his homework in a timely fashion yesterday.  Though he did get 3 lunch time detentions for throwing sand.

In retrospect I probably should have opted for a 2 bedroom apartment with 2 bathrooms.  I didn't think 3 people sharing one bathroom would be a problem.  And really it's not the problem, the problem is with the 3rd person unable to share the bathroom with the toiletries.  So my closet is slowly becoming a storage shed for the bathroom.  I think I should invest in cabinet locks, you know like the type you use if you have a foster kid.  Now that my anger has subsided I can actually laugh nervously about the tampon nonsense.  As my friend says, "Sweet, he found the magic sponges." 

*Redeemed my morning run with an afternoon 10k.
Fuck that blister, a bandaide to cover it and I was set.

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