14 June 2014

2 Qualms

These should probably be thrown under the pet peeve category....(three if you count the fact that I think I honestly am losing my memory.)

1.)  First and foremost.... I am NOT a prude but god damn it if every stupid movie I want to watch these days has to be sprinkled with several sex scenes.  I DO NOT want 5, 2 minute segments in every movie involving sweaty backs, nail clawing and thrusting with inaccurate moaning.  That is 10 minutes a movie of sex that I am not having.... why would you want me to watch that Hollywood???  Also, what's up with the recent gratuitous penis/ball shots these days???

Some of my favorite movies have sex scenes but not every god damn scene change.  What ever happened to the movie montage?  Seriously!  I end up grabbing the remote to fast forward through the poorly done sex scenes.  Look, I KNOW sex sells.  So either make a damn porn or get the fuck out of my story line!  I have found myself watching K-dramas/K-Movies because even a kiss scene is over the top.  -_-  I can't even watch certain shit in my own house cause I don't need Andy watching crotch/tit shots.  Don't get me wrong, I saw that shit as a kid but seriously it was a brief blink not 2 minutes of grunt-tastic action.  I fucking hate watching fucking sex scenes in my plot related movies.  You either get a movie or you get porn.... why does it have to be both?!?!?!  Was Boogie Nights not enough?????

2.)  Sideways glances at stay-at-home dads.  Yeah you heard me, DADS... fathers... penis wielding folk!  Yes, apparently in very progressive California, Mommy-Daddy is still a pariah.  Ya know fuck people who think the mister is abusing/using.  Hello people, the Bon Bon eating, springolator clad woman who fucks the pool boy your children call mom.... yeah that woman... she does a shittier job at being a parent than my stay at home father.   So, why you wanna judge Mrs. Herpies-From-The-Pool-Guy (that is also a California misconception... we don't all have pools).  Something wrong with a little role reversal in this OH SO progressive California?  I think it is more the demographics that put guy-dads in a shitty light.

I am not ashamed of being the "man" - breadwinner.  I should be more ashamed that I can't be a mother.  I honest to god, been trying a year, I CAN NOT DO IT!  I am really good at the "typical dad"  and by typical I mean:

Yeah, I asked the counselor if I could whip the kid... turns out answer is: YES!  Open palm, don't leave marks is what we were told.  Man!  I got my ass beat with belts, switches, paddles, hands, chanclas and whatever else was on hand.  So I HAD to know... what was appropriate?  We got the answer and the child was perturbed.  He has yet to get an ass smacking of doom but he has had a few hand slaps for destroying shit.

Bring me my smoking jacket and slippers!  Meet me in the study.

Okay so that's a total fib, I don't smoke and have no study in my luxurious 2 bedroom apartment.... when I get home my release of a hard day at work is an epic fucking meal....  No joke.  I get home and whip up a feast (not the typical 1950's feast... sorry folk... it's actually a healthy feast aside from the days I deem chorrizo is the best meat on earth... I'm Mexican waddya want?!)  I get home and make a fucking pigsty of my kitchen in the name of NOM NOM NOM just for my MommyDaddy to enjoy a delicious home cooked meal.  After his hard day of work toiling with the child and all else that involves the child.  I read all of these mommy blogs about chicks bitching about their 'Salaryman' and they slightly annoy me.  Hey!  I've been at work, doing work!  I don't have time to do some Shred to rid my body of baby weight I never gained, watch the enriching programming tailor made for stay at home mothers or other extracurricular activities.  I have been actually DOING shit.  I have no sympathy for you mommy bloggers that wipe boogers, send the children off to school and then spend the hours in-between picking them up masturbating or what have you.  NO SYMPATHY!  Yeah it's tough when the youngin' get home and they suck at their homework but seriously..... STOP the damn belly achin'.  If I could drink the pain away at work like you do at home we could be square but I am not a lawyer ok!

I got a bit off track here... maybe my peeves just won another tally mark.... mommy bloggers.  Or rather mommies in general, especially the ones that drive huge Escalades with their huge claw nails that only other women like, never the husbands.  What's up with that?  I think the older I am getting.... especially since becoming a step-parent.... I have gotten quite bitter.  I, of course, think this is a natural progression of my self.

Okay back on track.... the mister is fucking bad ass!  Walks the dogs, wrangles the kid, cleans house AND , most important part here, DOES NOT fuck the pool boy.  Aside from his penchant for squiffing wine I have no complaints.  Plus, he has 10 years of lost time to make up with the boy (who, which, I have grown quite fond of though I want to strangle him in his sleep every other day... can't.... bring... myself... to.... do .... it).

Role reversal is not a bad thing, IF, it can be done right.  And I think as a family unit we have what it takes.  So get off your damn soapbox and let the mister be my wife!  Cause I, and neither can he, keep a job with as often as the school calls regarding this or that.  He is special needs and damn he needs a parent!  And I am not one so it is best that he has the one he calls, 'Daddy'.

Dear mom,
          You always knew I would suck as a parent.  When you told me you were glad I never had children I thought it was because you knew I hated them.  No mom, you knew that the only thing in life that would challenge me more than I could cope with was a child.  And thank you for taking in Andy as if he is your own grandchild.  He thinks the world of you and he really could never have hoped for a better grandparent.  Like you said mom, you have more step-grandchildren that real grandchildren.... and you love them all the same.  I look up to you mom, I am still striving to remove step from my title of mother.


Also, dear bloggers, where are you?  And those that have private blogs... invite me, unless of course I am not allowed in which case, SAD FACE.

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