Women drivers suck!

Last night while I was out with my husband having our last date night before I depart for Germany, I was reminded what shitty drivers women are. Driving is a privilege, not a right. And I think there should be greater criteria needed to obtain a drivers license and keep it. This is just my opinion so feel free to ignore me or this post all together. But I am about to discuss some instances where, women drivers in particular, should not be allowed to get behind the wheel of the car. I was almost broadsided by a broad in a big ass Escalade, talking on the phone putting on lipstick. Totally just barreled down the road like she owned it.

The Prima Donnas

You know the ones I am talking about. You have seen them and probably almost got side swiped by them or cut off by them. (or you might be one @_@ shame on you) They are usually in a huge lifted SUV with monster truck sized rims cleaner than the kids in the car. The crazy ass woman driver usually has painted on claws that Freddy Krueger would envy. Not only is she having a hell of a time holding the steering wheel with her chop stick length acrylics but is also busy juggling a cellphone, applying make-up, while yelling at the kids in the back seat. Does she even care that there are other cars on the road? Wait. Let me rephrase that: Is she even aware that there are other people in existence? These bimbos in tanks are a fucking accident waiting to happen. No they are not good at multitasking, they are irresponsible and negligent. That's how people die!

"I don't know. I just drive it."

I won't mention names but I will say a relative of mine just drives... how the car stays operable, who knows. Cars need more than just gas to run and function. You need to check fluids and tire pressure to make sure your car is healthy and safe. Car basics, learn them!!! Bald or improperly inflated tires can lead to accidents and poor gas mileage. Not checking your fluid levels could lead to mud splatters that you can't wipe off because you have no windshield wiper fluid. So if you can't see where you are going, that's a very bad thing. Not checking oil or coolant/water levels... well let's just say it's gonna be an expensive repair when shit goes wrong.

Let me share this story of disbelief. I had driven to the gas station with my husband after work, bad choice. It's the busiest time of day but we had places to go and needed to gas up. So I pulled in behind a woman who has obviously spent more time on her back than paying attention to how the world works. She concluded pumping gas so I started up my car to pull in and fuel up. By now another car had pulled up right behind me. Behind that person another car had gotten tired of waiting so it was part way blocking any means for me to get out or the car behind me. Jerk! The woman in front of me got in her car and sat there FOREVER! So I waited.... and waited.... and waited. I had no choice really, I was blocked in. The woman then got on a cell phone and started calling someone... obviously car trouble. Not a single person tried to help her. So I asked my mister if he would ask her what was wrong. The woman did not speak a lick of English!!!! So I get out of the car and do the translating for my husband.

Turns out her car won't start. She doesn't know what's wrong. Annoyed due to the cold night air, having to translate for someone that doesn't speak the language and running late on my evening plans; I tell my husband what the woman told me. I also mockingly mention that it's probably not a problem with the car ..... the problem is between the wheel and the seat. I assumed her car had one of those key release mechanisms that sometimes get stuck. Usually you have to give the key a little wiggle (sometimes the steering wheel needs a wiggle) to get it to go past the lock stage to turn over. I told my husband if the car couldn't start we could help her push it to the street to park it. My husband must have been in that car less than 2 seconds and it was on. HELLO!!! I was right! She took a car, to the gas station and didn't know how to start it. How the fuck did she get it there in the first place?! The world never ceases to amaze me.

The Scaredy Cat

My sister Lily was the scaredy cat but she has matured, somewhat. She still often asks me to drive if we are going some where that requires freeway driving. I like driving so I never refuse. I can understand some of her fear because she almost got run off the road by a semi. But that was a long time ago and sometimes little scares happen. But you grow from them and learn how to avoid situations or adjust your driving habits. I get so tired of people that are so timid they drive under the speed limit or veer toward the right side of the lane almost taking out the poor people in bike lanes. Or people that immediately ask you to drive their car instead of driving it themselves. What's the point of having a car if you just want a chauffeur? Grow some balls and drive or get off the damn road!

When I was about 12 years old my mom came to pick me up from school and she drove me out to Brown Road. Brown Road is a lonely two-lane road that ends at a farm road that has a gate. After the gate you can hike up a steep train and down the other side to a very secluded beach. It's beautiful out there and I am going to have to make a trip to take pictures soon. Anyways, here I go off track again. I thought my mom had had enough of my shenanigans and felt it was better for the family if she just off'ed me and buried me out there some place. I was wrong, she just wanted to show me how to drive. (After the garage door incident when I was a wee little girl, I didn't think she would voluntarily put me in the driver's seat.) She explained to me that if anything ever happened to her or there was an emergency, I should know the basic mechanics of driving a car. I will admit it was pretty fun, but it was the only time that she ever took me out driving. Not because I sucked at it, just my mom didn't have the time and I guess she figured I knew enough to get by in case of emergency.

Let's skip forward 4 years when I am of age to take drivers ed in school so I can get my license at 16. My uncle took the task of teaching me to drive. BEFORE I was allowed to get behind the wheel I had to know a few things:

• Learn how to check fluids.
• Learn how to change a tire and check the pressure.
• Learn how to put fuel in a car.
• Respect the vehicle.
• Learn where to put your hands on the wheel.
• Never drive when you are angry.

Once I had all of the above out of the way, I was allowed to learn. But my uncle insisted that I learn to drive manual transmission or I just don't get to drive. Fine. I agreed. My uncle took me driving twice and I was in tears the first time and after the second time I refused to drive. My uncle is not what you would call a good teacher. More like a mean, grumpy man that yells a lot. "CLUTCH! SHIFT! HANDS AT 2 AND 10!!! NO, NO, FASTER, NO SLOWER!!!!" How the fuck do I keep my hand at 2 if I have to shift at the same time? Where is my third arm god damn it??? I think in those two short lessons I lost 10 years off my life. Uncle Alex, I will die ten years sooner because of the stress you put me through. (In retrospect, turn about is fair play and I think I was the cause for most of the gray on his head.) Thanks for teaching me to drive stick Alex. So mean!

After that my aunt decided to start using me as her 'mule'. "Susie, take me to the store. Susie, take me to go put gas in the car." Susie this, Susie that. Shit I was excited, I was driving and not getting yelled at. After a while I was allowed to run errands on my own and eventually drive my badass self to school. Man the freedom of not having to ride a bus (Which I was permanently kicked off after letting the air out of some kids wheel chair tires, I know that sounds bad but he had it coming to him.) or wait around for mom to get off work to get home. The school I attended was 10 miles of 2-lane road through farm land. Not the safest or nicest walk but I had done it before. Needless to say before I was let free to drive any where I wanted, any time I wanted.... I had to learn a few things. And I am thankful for that. I am glad that I am not an idiot, useless, female driver. If only I could say that all my other siblings were privy to the same schooling I got in driving.

Oh yea, did I mention yesterday my really good friend was rear ended by a female driver? A teen who barely had her permit and was not even supposed to be driving alone rear ended my friend. Hmm I wonder if this helped prompt me to complain about women drivers. My friend is okay, a bit on the sore side. The poor girl that hit my friend basically totalled her cousins truck. I wonder what the girl was doing that she smashed into my friend's truck hard enough to destroy it? Hmm let me guess: texting or applying make up.



**Disclaimer: Not all women are bad drivers. Just most of them are. No, it's more like 99% of them are shit drivers that know fuck all about cars or driving.**

Edit:  This Sunday a bicyclist was hit and killed around the same area that I almost got into an accident.  The car matching the description of the person that committed the hit and run.  Makes me wonder if my brush with what could have been a serious accident was the same person that ended up hitting the dude on the bike.