06 March 2007

The 7 Wonders of the Mall

1. There is wireless internet access. Yes, it is true, over by Hot Dog on a Stick you can get wireless access. I took my laptop to work to watch a movie cause it's boring by myself. Lo and behold, there is internet!

2. Retardeds, the mall is crawling with them. Not too far behind are usually their babysitters. Honestly speaking we could have a little “Pumpkin” type action going on. The hot popular girl that hangs at the mall falling for the local mongoloid. I am sure there are far better activities their babysitters can take them to do than roam the mall. By now they probably know every crack in the place because it seems that is the ONLY place the babysitters take them. What about the park? The library?

3. Retardeds in love. You know the world will be a better place when the retardeds hook up and make more retardeds. Of course the babysitters are still in tow. I am not saying this to keep them from finding meaningful relationships in life. But often times the reason they are retarded is genetic. I already have a bazillion of my tax dollars paying for them. And now even more because they decided to procreate and make another one. This is bad on so many levels! Aside from the chances 'the child' comes out deficient in any way, who will help take care of these babies when the adults themselves need babysitters?!


4. Ass and titties! It doesn’t matter if its 50 degrees outside or raining. The hoochie mammas that go there literally wear NOTHING. Well, very little I should say. Now the ass and titties come in many shapes and sizes, not to mention ages ugh (barf). There will never be a shortage.

5. Sundays=Beanerville. You can always find a plethora of Mexicans just outta church roaming the mall. Generally the women and their litter of kids wander about causing havoc. The men, their shirts are never buttoned, they show off their hairless oily looking chest and they are always staring at some girl. It doesn't matter what girl but if you are girl on Sunday you will be stared at. All the meantime a woman with a stroller and 50 children in tow, most of which leave a trail of destruction being them.

6. Emo/wanna be Goths. “Hey guys lets go sulk at the mall and look hated.” So lame! And what's up with the tight 'I can see your dick outline' pants that these boys are wearing. And yes they are boys cause there is barely an outline and they have no facial hair. Probably haven't even sprouted their pubes yet but whatever. They try to harass shops and stuff but they are harmless. They look more pathetic than scary or creepy. Don't they have better, darker corners to hang out at and apply their eye liner?

7. The emptiness of a dying mall. There is nothing better than seeing a dying mall. Because you know when it is dead, which it soon will be, it will be teeming with rats and hobos. Urban Decay (no not the make-up line), ah the sound is sweet to my ears. The only problem is I would have to find a real part-time 2nd job. No more easy living with free internet at the mall.

I almost chose the security guards as the 7th Wonder but I think they fit in category 2. Especially the fat gross one that tries to flirt with me and just makes me want to vomit. Doesn't he have kids to save from the escalator traps?

***Disclaimer: I have nothing against the mentally challenged. I think their time would just be better spent elsewhere. And NOT procreating with each other. Also, don't hate because I talked crap on the Mexicans, it was a broad generalization. I am Mexican but if I even thought of misbehaving at a store, even THOUGHT it, I would be painfully sorry. The parental units would have punished me just short of a shallow grave in the backyard. (At least that's what I was afraid of.)

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