22 December 2010

Shame, shame, shame I know your name!

Recently I had the wonderful privilege of being told I was "ashamed" and "embarrassed". Let's examine these two words, shall we? Yes, lets. After you my dear.

Ashamed: feeling shame or guilt or embarrassment or remorse.

Embarrassed: made to feel uncomfortable because of shame or wounded pride; abashed: feeling or caused to feel uneasy and self-conscious.

Wikipedia says this: "Embarrassment is an emotional state experienced upon having a socially or professionally unacceptable act or condition witnessed by or revealed to others. Usually some amount of loss or honour or dignity is involved, but how much and the type depends on the embarrassing situation. It is similar to shame, except that shame may be experienced for an act known only to oneself. Also, embarrassment usually carries the connotation of being caused by an act that is merely socially unacceptable, rather than morally wrong."

So apparently according to said individual, I am feeling embarrassed about some sort of unacceptable act that is being witnessed by others. I am doing something wrong and feel bad about it, that is the general idea that the individual assumes. First off I would like to clear the air by saying I am not ashamed or embarrassed about the hot topic of discussion. Hot topic being the new boyfriend, it is just an erroneous assumption being made by a person that can't possibly know what I am thinking or feeling. If I was embarrassed of the new beau, would I be seen out in public holding hands or hugging or kissing? If I was ashamed of him would I have bothered introducing him to my family? Of course not! I will admit it is hard to pinpoint the exact moment when we went from just friends to more than friends. And I did have a tough time realizing that I had more than friend feelings cause I was on a one way bus ticket to "bitter man hate mode". But once the more than just friends part was established we figured there is no sense in trying to be sneaky. People will find out sooner or later and there is no need to hide the fact that we like each other. So what?! It's a good thing. It was not planned and not expected, it just happened.

So this brings me back to the whole idea behind projecting feelings. In psychology, projection is seen as a defense mechanism and helps reduce stress. This defense happens when some one's own unacceptable feelings, unwanted unconscious impulses or desires are repressed. Here is an example I found online of how projection works: "To understand the process, consider a person in a couple who has thoughts of infidelity. Instead of dealing with these undesirable thoughts consciously, they unconsciously project these feelings onto the other person, and begin to think that the other has thoughts of infidelity and may be having an affair. In this sense, projection is related to denial, arguably the only defense mechanism that is more primitive than projection. Projection, like all defense mechanisms, provides a function whereby a person can protect their conscious mind from a feeling that is otherwise repulsive."

So does this mean that the person accusing me of being ashamed and embarrassed of my significant other, is in turn ashamed or embarrassed of theirs. Because I do recall getting a message saying, "Yeah I have a girlfriend." And then later hearing, "Oh no I am just talking to this girl." But then to hear that this "girl" was up set at him for lack of attention while out on a "talk" (I think date?). That sounds like more than just talking but I don't know, I am grandpas guitar and am not hip with the lingo or whatever. Either way that doesn't exactly sound like he is entirely happy to be with this "girl". Sounds like some sort of projection going on there, perhaps. Or maybe the defense mechanism is kicking in because my ex finds it repulsive that I am dating at all. And no matter who the current boyfriend is, he would still be acting the same way because he is repulsed at the idea of me being with anyone at all? I am not sure, I don't have magic mind reading powers.

Since I don't know what's going on and these are all uneducated guesses and me just ranting cause it's what I do, I will leave it alone. But have I nothing to be hiding, be ashamed or embarrassed of. So take that world, suck suck suck mah dick!

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