Dear Right Ear,

You have been causing me much pain and discomfort as of late. You have turned me into a grumpy person and I do not like that very much. I have been taking care of you as per directed: ear drops and antibiotics. Please I would like you to stop aching, start listening and allow me to enjoy a weekend not in be or in pain.

Also if it is not too much to ask can you make this weekend be a little on the warm side and not so windy so I can enjoy a walk in the park with my dogs and friend? If this is too much to ask, I understand. But please take my wishes into consideration for I fear the next communication I will have with you shall end rather poorly. (Knife lopping you off jerk wad!)

Sincerely your long life friend,

S. Ojeda
P.S.

I am dead serious!