01 October 2013

She said no.

My aunt told me a long time ago, when I was very young, "You don't need friends.  Friends are good for nothing."  I only assume she had friends that may have hurt her.  So to safe guard me from pain she would just teach me to avoid it all together.  Well, as a typical child would do, I ignored her teachings.  With good reason, I mean I do have a handful of friends I care for.  And I guess they may care for me too, but it's all subjective I suppose.

Recently an old friend of mine just moved back from being out of the country.  I thought it would be a fun idea to meet up and talk about travels from afar, catch up on life.  I had planned my afternoon around meeting up with her.  I talked to the hubs that I would be coming home late because I wanted to meet up with my friend to grab a bite to eat.  I didn't feel like having her come to my house where Andy would be a constant interruption, hell she hasn't even heard the insta-mom news yet.  And then I get the message that I have gotten before, "My girlfriend said no."  This has happened before, with more than just one person.  I just bid my friend a good day and said it's cool; even though I feel a twinge of pain in my chest, my eyes burn and my face feels unusually warm.

Okay well maybe not that much of a twinge.
Well it hurts and I don't like it.  I guess I could have replied this time with inviting the girlfriend but why bother.  After this last weekend, I am emotionally taxed.  I don't need strange side-ways glances or snotty comments during a chill chat session.  I have offered to invite significant others to tag along when girlfriends have said no before but that idea has never been met with much enthusiasm either.  What the hell is wrong with people?  I feel like someone poked a hole in my birthday balloon.  It all boils down to control and insecurity issues I think.  If I could have a dollar for every time I have been told by different friends that they can't hang out because of their girlfriends, I would probably have enough to buy myself a robot-dog.

This is the second time in the last month that my balloon has been deflated.  A while back I called my best friend, who never called me back.  I guess the lady of the moment is not too keen on me either (the previous one was also not a fan).  A few months ago we had made plans to meet up because he lived out of town and was going to be in town visiting.  I was on my way to meet him and he called it off because of the lady friend.  Then said he had a few minutes to chat, so I turned my car around to go meet him.  It was really hurtful and I got roughly 5 minutes in the parking lot to chat.  I was able to finally give him the gift I brought him back from Germany over a year ago.  I sent him a text a few weeks ago to ask a question about a show we had gone to that I wanted to blog about, no reply.  At this point I am not going to try, though it may not be his choice, a one-sided friendship is no friendship at all.

As for my friend that can't see me today, oh well.  I guess I will just have to put the friendship on the shelf just like several others.  I don't understood people that need control to the point of alienating people from old time friends.  I had experienced that type of nightmarish relationship once and never again.  As for my bestie, I was there before the current lady and the one before that as his friend; when he is ready I will still be here.  And I hope I get to see my friend before she leaves the country again but I won't hold my breath.

Friendships will fail if it's only one person trying hard to keep it together.
- Ritu Ghatourey

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