Heart attack in a can?

That's my hand holding 32 ounces of heart attack juice.  I had to capture the size difference of my hand compared to the giant can of energy.  There is a better picture of the product down below.

Energy Drinks + Susie = No good

While shopping my local Big Lots, I spotted a huge can of Monster Energy Drink DUB Edition.  It's not just another energy drink according to Monster's website, "It's high performance fuel for the true baller."  I don't know what that means and I never got to see advertising for the above mentioned product.  But I imagine the commercials to be something intense like this:

Pilfered from Monster's website.

This 32 ounce serving of crank juice packs a whopping 112 grams of carbs; all from sugar.  It has 600 mg of sodium and it is 440 calories.  That can't be good for you!  Get ready for the good stuff, the stuff that gets you wired... aside from the sugar rush that is.  It packs 320 mg of caffeine, 4000 mg taurine, 800 mg ginseng, guarana, inositol, glucuronolactone, L-carnitine and 400% DRV of B vitamins.  Reading the supplement fact on the back of the can made me start having palpitations.

Caffeine does some funny things to me.  I can have a small cup of coffee from time to time and be okay.  But these power potions are another story.  I have had the Starbucks drinks without feeling too jittery.

These are not so bad in moderation.

So I assumed that this would be okay too:

Loca Moca Java Monster

Very not okay.  Not only is this caffeine in a larger size than I am used to drinking but it also has the typical energy drink ingredients too!  I tasted one once and I liked it, it tasted pretty damn good.  Doesn't have that strange Flintstones Vitamin taste that most energy drinks have.  So I figured I would buy one to have as my drink for the morning.  Bad choice.  I was only done with half of it when I felt paranoid, sweaty and shaky.  I felt terrible and it wouldn't stop! I was loca for thinking the Loca Moca was a wise choice for someone that is sensitive to caffeine. 

I know people that down energy drinks all day.  I know people that can't function without several cups of coffee during the day.  How do they do it and not feel like dying? Or not start going crazy?

How much of that Christian Crank do you need to function?