I have been really good this year. Well, aside from laughing at the neighbor's kid that fell and scraped his knee the other day. But that's what he gets for being a tyrant. Karma's a bitch and I'm her pimp. I digress, this letter is to notify you to append the "Avenging Unicorn Play-set" to my Christmas wish list. My mom doesn't celebrate Christmas and my dead beat dad is a loser I haven't seen since I was in my teens. And even when I DID see him I got no XMas love. So I beseech you lord of fat and presents. Please can you bring me the Avenging Unicorn Play-set? I promise to be good for the remainder of the year, excluding laughing at children in distress.
As stated before, I promise to leave out a yummy steak and good beer for you instead of cookies and milk. I am sure you are tired of the same thing being left out for you year after year by booger faced children that are nothing more than TOY BREAKERS!
P.S. I love you Santa! UNICORN PLAY-SET!!!!!!