25 April 2012

The wheels on the bus go round and round.

You all know I went to Germany.  Some of you may even know that to get to the airport, my sister and I decided to take the Greyhound bus.  To make a long story short, my mom said the family was busy that night so not to bother asking anyone.  They would all say no, later we found out that my brother offered to drive us to the airport.  Whatever, we were determined to get to the airport so we took a bus.  The adventure began the moment the bus arrived at the station and would continue on through the night.

The bus driver, Roger, is obsessed with pozole.  He explains to everyone lined up to get onto the bus that alcohol is not prohibited, no smoking and bla bla bla.  But he asks damn near everyone if they have pozole because if they do, he will have to confiscate it.  He goes on to say how you can have pozole on board but only if you share with him.  FIEND!  Luckily all we had were turkey and provolone sandwiches my mister made, some jerky and pretzels.  Crazy man may have murdered us for our pozole had we had any with us.

Okay I get that he was trying to be funny, I really do.  But he was on the verge of lunacy and quite creepy.  I think it didn't help that he was as a short Filipino man with some golds in his mouth and a Jheri curl mullet.  I kid you not!  He even had the era matching sunglasses.  Seriously!

Skip to about :20, if Daryyl was Filipino, he would have been my bus driver, Soul Glo and all!!! 

After he gives us the okay to board the bus, I give my husband a kiss goodbye and thank him for our snacks.  I get on the bus and tried to find seats that were closer to the front.  No such luck.  I have never ridden the Greyhound but I have been warned to stay away from the back of the bus unless I like the smell of porta potty.  So I made damn sure I didn't have to use the potty on the bus and went before hand.  In my mind I imagined the nastiest toilet in the universe.  While I made a valiant attempt at keeping my nose sane for the 4 hour ride down to Los Angeles, I failed.  At the start of the trip the smell was not noticeable but after about an hour and a half on the road I caught a wiff.  Ugh!  Nasty!  Well no sense in complaining, just gotta tough it out till we get to Los Angeles.  Only two and a half more hours to endure right?

Wrong!  Our trip was about to be delayed at least forty-five minutes.

Our bus ride down to Los Angeles included a stop in Santa Barbara and another in Oxnard.

We reach Santa Barbara and the bus driver exits the freeway (southbound).  He drives around a bit and then gets on the freeway again (northbound).  I figure maybe he missed his turn at the traffic light because some jerk didn't let him over.   He heads north for a bit and then exits the freeway again, drives back through the same area we were just in.  My sister is now watching what is happening.  I am starting to realize the bus driver is lost.

Didn't we just pass this?  Yup!  We both have to fight to stifle our giggles because we didn't want to piss the driver off or make him anymore nervous (or ANGRY).

It seemed that the only people on the whole bus that found this amusing was my sister and me.  And he gets on the freeway again!!!  By now the others on the bus are getting sort of peeved.  My sister and I find it funny that our adventure starts out with our bus driver getting lost in Santa Barbara!  A French man, who used the bathroom off an on up until Santa Barbara, gets up and goes to the front of the bus.  He then directs the driver to get off the freeway and he would guide him.

The bus driver doesn't trust the French man and is talking on the radio to the bus station and the driver is still failing at finding the bus station.  The driver finally gives in and allows the French man to guide him to the bus station.  Finally!  My sister and I were still laughing at the situation but we were happy that this mishap did not interfere with our flight schedule.  We made it.  I decide to get off the bus to use the bathroom at the station.  I was glad we were about to switch drivers because I could only imagine how lost he would get in Los Angeles.  Roger, our bus driver, apologizes to everyone he sees.  He then goes on to tell the whole line waiting for the bathroom that it is his first time in Santa Barbara.  Okay, I can understand getting lost or turned around in a new place.  But you are a bus driver!!!  Did you not study your new route?!  Here is the killer.  "I am not good with one way streets," he said in conclusion to his apology.

He could have kept that little nugget of information to himself.  I was so glad we changed drivers, however we were running about an hour behind schedule!  I boarded the bus and new driver rattled off the change in arrivals and how some people would be missing their connecting buses.   He did provide them with later bus times they could take.  I guess some people were going to end up late for their party time in Las Vegas.  Oh well!

On to Oxnard barreling down the freeway at who knows what speed but I just focused on getting to Los Angeles on time.  By the time we reached Oxnard the driver managed to shave a little of the lost time off.  After the quick stop in Oxnard that pretty much filled the rest of the bus up, onward to Los Angeles.  We made it safely to the bus station in the heart of scummy Los Angeles.  The bus drop off is on East 7th street and is in the GHETTO!  On the walk from the Greyhound station to the city bus we witnessed several drug deals, crack heads and homeless camped out in the middle of the sidewalk.  It was about midnight when we made this happy little walk, then had a 10 minute wait for our bus.  *sigh*  Lived to tell the tale?  Yup!

Here is what I learned:
  • Roger has pozole for brains.
  • Avoid taking the Greyhound in the future.
  • Try not to walk in the ghetto at midnight.

In other unrelated news, glad to see another pedophile is off the streets.  Yeah he may have taken the pussy way out but one more not in existence is always a good thing.  Sick fucks!

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