08 January 2014

Bras and Panties

I really hate shopping for them.  Shopping for a bra is time consuming, you have to try the damn things on to make sure it will provide proper comfort, support or whatever else it is you are looking for in a bra.  I have better things to do with my time than wade through racks of bras and try them on in a cramped, hot, smelly fitting room.  I HATE shopping for bras.  Shopping for panties is just as bad if not worse.  The sizing on them is all screwy!  The last time I successfully purchased panties I had to go back to the store to return them because I bought the wrong size.  Each clothing line has their own crazy sizing charts which just about drives me to drink.  Hmm, there's an idea!  Enhance my shopping experience with a flask?  Hmm, that might lead to waste of money, maybe that's a bad idea.

I have had a Kohl's gift card since my birthday, not the last one... the one before that.  I figured with some time off from work after the holidays it would be wise to use the gift card to invest in undergarments.  I was starting to run low and made the mental note to brave the department stores several months ago.  I actually went to the store twice before this last time and failed.  The first time, I walked up to the front door, decided I had better things to do and never technically stepped foot into the store.  The second time I made it through the doors, looked around and felt a sense of dread.  There were about a gazillion people, each with 3 or 4 little people running amuck in the department store.  I quickly decided it was not worth the hassle of hurdling over knee-high moving obstacles all in the name of new supportive undergarments, I had better things to do with my time.

So last Saturday I put my brave girl face on and was determined to bring back home at least one pack of panties and one bra.  No excuses!  I am happy to report that I did make it into the store.  I actually made it to the undergarment section and went through the arduous task of hunting down some bras to try on.  My first go through the fitting room proved to be fruitless aside from having someone walk in while I was topless because the fitting room had a busted lock.  Boy, that was fun!  So I headed back to the rack of clothing for round two of bra candidates when I stumbled across a bra that looked used.  Not just that it had no tags but it was visibly discolored, stained and had those little lint balls your t-shirts get after too many wash/dry cycles.  Obviously the previous owner did not hand wash her delicates.  I was pretty grossed out.  I mean, if you are gonna steal at least go in braless to the store or take the dirty discard with you.  Don't put the old one on the rack for a poor unsuspecting idiot (me) to find and be disgusted by.  God I hate humans!

I found the underwear overlord and she rolled her eyes, "Yeah they do that, thanks."  Who they?!  Does she know who they are and if she does why has she not put a stop to them?  Deep in thought, I returned to my clothes hunting experience and rejoiced when I finally found one bra.  I wasn't going to go searching for more than my minimum quota for the day.  I moved on to the easy task of finding a 5-pack of panties to finish my shopping excursion (by excursion I mean torture).  I have at times bought the wrong size panties because I did not pay close attention to the size charts.  So I would buy ginormicon size panties on accident, feel like a boob when I get home to unpack them to realize they were meant for ladies that might bring upon death by snu-snu.

This time I used my keen eye to search out my size, I found several packs!  However each pack of panties that were in my size had already had a pair or two removed.  I must have come to the store after the five-finger discount blue light sale ended because I was fucked.  Until the last pack, the last pack I found was in my size and magically had not been tampered with by the People of Walmart who have decided to flood Kohl's of Santa Maria with their classy presence.  I could blame the place I live in for what happens but in reality it happens all over, all the time.  When the mister was working at a local grocery store he would come home to tell me stories of people ripping open packages of Ziploc bags, they would then cruise the meat section, rip the meat packaging open and help themselves to fresh meat in their handbags safely stowed away in Ziplocs.

A sign of the times?  I don't know.  But I do know for a fact there are several food bank locations in Santa Maria that do provide both perishable and non-perishable goods.  I also know that several charities offer clothing vouchers for local thrift stores.  Maybe it's my own personal karma-meter that keeps me from stealing I don't know (except for that one time, I know, my bad).  But I do know, there is no need to steal when there are methods to obtain necessities that are legal.  Anyway, I met my goal of 1 and 1 of the items I needed to obtain.  I am glad my dog no longer searches out panties and socks to destroy.  Maybe now I won't have to step foot in a department store for another three or four years.  I should consider shopping for clothing online only, I just have to check return policies and shipping costs.  Why can't bra shopping be easier?  Damn shipping costs.  And damn thieves!

For fear of causing global warming, promoting clubbing of baby seals and even going against the Geneva Convention I must add this.

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